[Robin plays the video:]
Robin Sparkles: I know, how about I sing you a song! [singing] Let's go the mall everybody! Come on, Jessica. Come on, Tori.
Robin: I was a teenage pop star in Canada.
Robin Sparkles: Put on your jelly bracelets And your cool graffiti coat. At the mall, having fun Is what it's all about.
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Marshall: That's you?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today.
Marshall: This is the 90s. Why does it look like 1986?
Robin: The 80s didn't come to Canada till like '93.

Robin Sparkles: [singing on video] Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, [laughs] today!
Barney: Did you have to laugh like that every time?
Robin: Yes.
Robin Sparkles: There's this boy I like. Met him at the food court. He's got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard. I hope he asks me out. Take me to my favorite spot. It'll be just him and me.
Robot: But don't forget the robot.
Marshall: The robot! Hey!
[Marshall and Robin high five]
Robin Sparkles: But, baby, I don't wanna wait.
Ted: No, she doesn't wanna wait.
Robin Sparkles: I'm gonna rock your body anyway. I'm going to rock your body 'til Canada Day. Everybody, come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today! Today, today, today, today. Let's go to the mall (today). Let's go to the mall (today)...

Marshall: You know what it might be. This is gonna sound a little crazy but what if Robin's married?
Ted: Married? What does have to do with the mall?
Marshall: Well, maybe she got married at the mall. Back home in Minnesota a ton of people would get married at the Mall of America, it's great. It's a gorgeous indoor golf course for pictures. Numerous fine dining options, and talk about a reasonable price...
Lily: We're not getting married at the mall.
Marshall: Just meet with the guy.

Lily: What the hell's a slap bet?
Marshall: Whoever's right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can, but no rings.
Lily: Are you really gonna do that? That's so immature.
Marshall: You can be Slap Bet Commissioner.
Lily: Oh, I love it. What are my powers?
Marshall: Um, if a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job.
Barney: But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read "Lily Aldrin, caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."
Marshall: And your tombstone will read, "got slapped by Marshall so hard, he died."

Ted: What am I gonna do? My girlfriend's married. Do I ask her to get a divorce?
Lily: Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money or their army. Nobody takes it seriously.

Marshall: [laughs] I can see my hand print on your face.
Barney: Don't get too cocky, Slappy. I just got a shipment of porn from Canada I have to go through.
Marshall: I won the bet. Why are you still searching?
Barney: Just because you were right doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Lily: Oh, right, like you need an excuse to watch porn.
Barney: Canadian porn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go "oot" of my mind.

[Video plays on laptop of Robin, dressed as a school girl, in a classroom with a teacher:]
Robin Sparkles: Please, Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry I was a bad girl. Please don't give me detention. Isn't there something I can do to make it up to you? [Robin bites her lip]

Barney: Well, obviously, I've been proven right, so in the interest of Robin's dignity, I won't show anymore. Plus, it's getting late. It's already slap o'clock.
[Barney slaps Marshall]
Robin: What the hell was that?
Barney: I slap bet Marshall that you did porn, so I win.
Robin: Porn? I wish it was porn, it would be less embarrassing.

Barney: I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you.
Lily: Try me.
Barney: Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?
Lily: Doggie ate his pants, yep.
Barney: Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.
Lily: Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?
Barney: Wow. Okay, Seattle.
Lily: Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch.
Barney: Damn.
Marshall: I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.

Ted: Thanks for telling me your secret. It means so much to me that you could be so, what's the word I'm looking for... honest.
Robin: Thanks, Ted.
Ted: Yeah, you know what's probably the best part about your honesty? How truthful it is.
Robin: I say we just move on.
Ted: In order for me to get total closure on this whole my-girlfriend-has-a-husband thing, I think I'm gonna need a little bit more information. Like, what month did you get married?
Robin: June. We had a June wedding.
Ted: Ah, Canada in June. That's great.
Ted: Sit down or buffet?
Robin: Um...
Ted: Whoa. It's weird that you don't remember.
Robin: No, I just didn't know how to answer because we did butlered hors d'oeuvres in the atrium, but the actual dinner was a buffet in the food court featuring a filet mignon or roasted potato-crusted salmon with a lobster scallion beurre blanc.