Ted Quote #1275
Quote from Ted in The Ashtray
[flashback to stoned Ted with Lily and Robin in The Captain's apartment:]
Robin: [v.o.] Then, after I saved you from destroying a priceless crystal ashtray... You're welcome.
Ted: [screams]
The Captain: Hello, my darling, my one true love, my everything.
Robin: Ahoy?
The Captain: So who wants to see that painting?
Ted: Okay, Captain. We all know why you brought us up here. This is about me and... Zoey.
The Captain: All right, Ted. If you've got something to say, say it.
Ted: Whoa, whoa.
[present:]
Ted: A remote control?
Robin: A remote control.
[flashback:]
Ted: Let's relax. I know you're upset, Captain. I just... I want to assure you nothing happened between me and Zoey until after you guys had split up. So let's just... let's just... let's put this down.
[The Captain is setting his DVR to record The Real Housewifes of Atlanta]
Ted: Okay, okay. There we go.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Ashtray’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.
Quote from Barney
Ted: [on the phone] Uh, Captain, can... can I put you on hold?
The Captain: Affirmative.
Ted: He wants Robin's number. Should I give it to him?
Barney: Is he trying to hook up with my fiance? No, uh-uh. The only way that's happening is if I get to hook up with someone, too. Wait a second... No. Unless... Absolutely not. However... Forget it. On the other hand... Ixnay! [slaps himself]
Quote from Barney
Robin: So he invited me back to his bedroom to show me this painting, and...
[flashback to The Captain waiting on his bed:]
The Captain: Finally. We're alone.
[present:]
Barney: Robin, no, I don't want to picture that.
Robin: Nothing happened.
Barney: Aw, that means hand stuff.
Robin: What? No. I'm serious. He was on the rebound. I told him to take some time to pull himself together and call me in a year and a half.
Barney: Ah, great. What if he asks you out? What does that mean for our relationship? What, are we planning to be in some super-enlightened, forward-thinking marriage, where we don't get hung up on the suffocating and outdated principles of monogamy, and instead enjoy the company of multiple partners, sometimes bringing said partners into our marital bed, but just girls, not dudes, except maybe one time just to see what that's like? I mean, is that what you want?
Robin: No.
Barney: Okay. Me, neither!