Lily Quote #445

Quote from Lily in Twin Beds

[As Lily and Marshall try to sleep in bed:]
Marshall: [inner monologue] My God, she's a thousand degrees! It's like putting my leg against a tailpipe.
Lily: [inner monologue] Ow! His toenails are like daggers.
Marshall: [inner monologue] I'd love a sandwich, but no eating in bed. Stupid rule. We have ants one time.
Lily: [inner monologue] Great, and now he's falling asleep. Cue the river of drool.
Marshall: [inner monologue] Ugh, my knee itches. Just one little scratch.
[The whole bed shakes as Marshall scratches[
Lily: Marshall! I think we should get separate beds.
Marshall: Yes! A mini fridge and separate beds.
Lily: Deal!

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 ‘Twin Beds’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Ted: Wait, wait, wait, wait, dude, dude, hold on. Do you think I'm gay?
Don: Well, yeah.
Ted: Why would you assume that?
[flashback to Ted arriving in the apartment as Robin and Don sit on the couch:]
Ted: Hey.
Robin: Hey, Ted, your calligraphy teacher called.
Ted: And? And?
Robin: Your ink is in.
Ted: Yes!
[another flashback:]
Ted: Hey, guys, I just wanna make sure Project Runway is recording. Did the Jets get new costumes?
[another flashback:]
Ted: Well, I guess we won't be having creme brulee tonight. My browning torch is broken.
Don: You know, when I heard your roommate was a single guy, I was a little jealous. But now that I know he's gay, I'm okay.
Robin: Oh, Ted's not...
Ted: But we still got homemade lady fingers and piping hot Darjeeling.
Don: Awesome. Thank you. Ted's not what?
Robin: Ted's not gonna be around a lot. He's following Cher on tour.
[present:]
Ted: Okay, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on a hell of a show. But I am not gay.

Quote from Ted

Don: Hey, Lily, be honest. Is it weird that Robin hangs out with one of her exes all the time?
Lily: Well, Ted and Robin broke up years ago. It's a non-issue.
Don: Ted and Robin?
Ted: Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny?
Carl: Appletini for the gentleman.
Ted: Thank you.

 Lily Aldrin Quotes

Quote from Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from The Ashtray

Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.