Ted Quote #794

Quote from Ted in Twin Beds

Don: Hey, Lily, be honest. Is it weird that Robin hangs out with one of her exes all the time?
Lily: Well, Ted and Robin broke up years ago. It's a non-issue.
Don: Ted and Robin?
Ted: Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny?
Carl: Appletini for the gentleman.
Ted: Thank you.

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 ‘Twin Beds’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Ted: Wait, wait, wait, wait, dude, dude, hold on. Do you think I'm gay?
Don: Well, yeah.
Ted: Why would you assume that?
[flashback to Ted arriving in the apartment as Robin and Don sit on the couch:]
Ted: Hey.
Robin: Hey, Ted, your calligraphy teacher called.
Ted: And? And?
Robin: Your ink is in.
Ted: Yes!
[another flashback:]
Ted: Hey, guys, I just wanna make sure Project Runway is recording. Did the Jets get new costumes?
[another flashback:]
Ted: Well, I guess we won't be having creme brulee tonight. My browning torch is broken.
Don: You know, when I heard your roommate was a single guy, I was a little jealous. But now that I know he's gay, I'm okay.
Robin: Oh, Ted's not...
Ted: But we still got homemade lady fingers and piping hot Darjeeling.
Don: Awesome. Thank you. Ted's not what?
Robin: Ted's not gonna be around a lot. He's following Cher on tour.
[present:]
Ted: Okay, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on a hell of a show. But I am not gay.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Okay. You're ready.
Barney: Ready for what?
Ted: To read the letter.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, the letter was a device I'd invented to remind myself why I'd broken up with somebody. I'd been doing it for years.
[flashback to Ted writing a letter in 1996:]
Ted: [v.o.] "Dear Future Ted, never get back with Karen because she's a pretentious snob. Oh, also, she cheated on you. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. [chuckles] See, we're already laughing about it."
[flashback to Ted writing a letter in 2005:]
Ted: [v.o.] "Dear Future Ted, stay away from Natalie, or any girl who can pin you to the ground and beat you senseless in front of a cheering crowd. P.S. Please consult a therapist about why that turned you on a little bit. "
[flashback to Ted writing a letter in 2008:]
Ted: [v.o.] "Dear Relationship Genius, Stella left you at the altar. You may never love again and will probably die alone." Huh! It doesn't look so sad written in calligraphy.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Well, I think you should move in with him.
Robin: You do?
Ted: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I see how happy you are. And as much as I love you as a roommate, I want you to do what's right for you.
Robin: Oh! Are you trying to kick me out because of the milk thing?
Ted: It's really annoying.
[flashback to Ted going to the refrigerator and taking out a carton of milk that turns out to be empty:]
Ted: Robin!
[Ted goes into Robin's bedroom while she sleeps and places the empty carton in her bed]
[present:]
Robin: No. I have a system. I put the empty carton back in the fridge to remind us to buy milk.
Ted: Okay, why don't you leave a full carton to remind us we don't have to buy milk?