[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Sparkles's hit records "Let's Go to the Mall' and "Sandcastles in the Sand" both went maple, with "Mall" eventually going double maple.
Luc Robitaille: I've never admitted this till now, but before a big game, I'd listen to "Sand Castles in the Sand" and get a good cry on. I'm not ashamed.
Announcer: But after endless touring, Robin started to crack.
Robin: [1996 interview] Who doesn't love the mall? Shopping with your friends and... I can't do this. Get this out of my face, please. Thank you. Pardon me. Thanks. Sorry.

Ted: Look, there's a fine line between love and insanity. It's the Dobler-Dahmer theory.
[Lily and Barney groan]
Marshall: Damn, I always forget the little one.
Ted: If both people are into each other, a big romantic gesture works. Like Lloyd Dobler holding up the boom box outside Diane Court's window in Say Anything. But if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy, or Dahmer.

Barney: So are you the one that Robin stalked?
Simon: Oh, that story goes back to the 1996 Grey Cup.
Barney: What in God's name is that?
Simon: Only Canada's Super Bowl. Didn't you ever see Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes on MuchMusic?
Barney: Again, I have to go with, "What in God's name is that?"
Simon: It's only Canada's VH1's Behind the Music. There's one all about Robin Sparkles. Tells you the whole story from "A" to zed.
[Barney gets up and then runs out of Tim Hortons]

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Robin: My new name is... Robin Daggers! Two, three, four! [sings] Though you're beautiful...
Alex Trebek: That day is now known in music history as the day grunge was born.
[in the apartment:]
Ted: In 1996, in Canada? That seems right, Trebek.
Marshall: Give him a break. He's not a music guy.
[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Geddy Lee: That day is now known in music history as the day that grunge was born.
[in the apartment:]
Marshall: Well, that's a bummer.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: With her jelly bracelets, graffiti coat, and totally rad robot, no one symbolized the 1990s in Canada like Robin Sparkles. But as we'd all learn one heartbreaking Grey Cup Sunday, Canada's sweetheart had a dark side.
Paul Shaffer: I'll never forget that moment.
Geddy Lee: A little piece of Canada died that day.
Jason Priestley: To see her throw her life away like that, it was heartbreaking.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Her record producer, Chuck "Chuck" Gerussi.
Chuck: Robin Sparkles was big. Gino Vannelli big. Who I discovered by the way.
Announcer: Robin's next song, "P.S. I Love You' was so dark, Dominant Records refused to release it. Few have ever seen the long-lost music video, but we found it.
["P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] You, you're beautiful On your pedestal I see you You don't see me Am I just too young or just too dumb? Or maybe just too grungy? And I'm wearing my flannel, and I'm thinking of you ♪ I lace up my boots, and I'm thinking of you I write letters and letters They never get answered by you I'll never move on It'll always be you Every guy that I'm with I'll be thinking of you If I get married, he'll always be second to you I'll always be waiting for you P.S. I love you.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Chuck: In 1996, we booked the halftime show for the Grey Cup. Huge gig. We're talkin' Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton, just outside of Guelph. It doesn't get any bigger than that.
Robin: [on stage] Hello, Canada. I'm Robin Sparkles. Actually, I was Robin Sparkles.
Jason Priestley: The whole stadium went silent.
Paul Shaffer: Right then, I knew something terrible was gonna happen. My stomach started churning.
Robin: But Robin Sparkles is dead.
Jason Priestley: All I could hear was Paul Shaffer's stomach growling.
Paul Shaffer: Stress goes to my stomach. Sue me.
Jason Priestley: It was kind of disgusting.
Paul Shaffer: I'm sorry, Jason Priestley. I didn't realize you were the Queen of England.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Speculation began immediately. Who was Robin Sparkles singing about with those angry, obsessive lyrics? Many names were suggested.
Geddy Lee: It wasn't me.
Steven Page: It wasn't me.
Jason Priestley: Wasn't me.
Luc Robitaille: It wasn't me.
Alex Trebek: It wasn't me.
Dave Coulier: It wasn't me. Why does everyone always think... it's me?
k.d. lang: I wish it was me.
Announcer: But one name comes up more than any other...
[later:]
Barney: Alan Thicke.
Alan Thicke: How can I help you? Doughnut?

[Robin Daggers "P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] The law can't stop my love I'll fit you like a glove Restraining orders don't scare me The lawyers at the record company made me promise to say "That the views expressed in this song do not necessarily Reflect the views of Dominant Records Or any of its subsidiaries" I'm totally a slacker, and I don't even care With my curling zines and my faraway stare But deep down inside, yeah, deep down inside I'm dying I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry I'm praying to God, but she doesn't reply Even the robot says...
Robot: Move on.
Robin: I'm trying P.S. I love you

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Steven Page: It was tragic. I mean, to this day... you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Hortons they were in, but what doughnut they were eating. Me? Wawa, Ontario. Blueberry fritter.
Geddy Lee: Halifax, Nova Scotia. Walnut crunch.
Luc Robitaille: Victoriaville, Quebec. Sour cream plain.
Alex Trebek: Sudbury, Ontario. Honey dip.
k.d. lang: Red Deer, Alberta. Chocolate glaze.
Jason Priestley: Squamish, British Columbia. Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented The Priestley. Should've been the best day of my life.
Paul Shaffer: It was horrifying on so many levels. [stomach growls] Actually, you know what? I'm sorry, I can't... I just can't talk about this. I'm out of here, okay? I'm out of here. Here, excuse me. I'm sorry. Will you take... No, no, don't move. I'm out. Sorry, sorry.