[flashback to Fall 2009:]
The Mother: When I got to the club, it had already closed. By the next day, some super-inconsiderate person had taken my umbrella. But by that point, I didn't care. I knew if I really wanted to end poverty, I had to get a degree in economics. So to answer your question, that's how I got here.
Cindy: I meant how did you get here from the subway station.
The Mother: Oh.
Cindy: I'm asking because I just moved to town. I don't even have a place to live yet.
The Mother: Yeah, you do. Come live with me. My roommate just moved out.
Cindy: Are you sure? You just met me. I could be a serial killer.
The Mother: I like to believe in people. Plus, what are the chances that we're both serial killers? [laughs]

[flashback to Fall 2009:]
Cindy: Just promise me there won't be naked men in the living room.
The Mother: Not a problem. I'm on permanent hiatus in the love department.
Cindy: Really? I find that hard to believe.
The Mother: I guess I'm old-fashioned. I believe that each of us only gets one. And I got mine already.
Cindy: Well, if you ask me, you know what comes after the one? The next one.
The Mother: Oh, yeah. Well, I don't really see that happening any time soon.
Ted: Hi. Is this Room 7?

[flashback to Fall 2009:]
Ted: And so if you must bring food to this class, please bring enough for everyone. I don't wanna see someone eating, say, lobster in the front row without sharing with the rest of us, because that would be "shellfish."
The Mother: [laughs] Come on, that was funny.
Ted: Anyway, this is Architecture 101.
The Mother: Architecture 101? I'm in the wrong class. I have to go.
[She runs across campus before checking her paper map:]
The Mother: Oh. Wait, I was in the right class.
Ted: First day as a professor, wrong classroom. Coming through.

[flashback to January 2010:]
The Mother: Okay, this is crazy. Do you know where this umbrella came from? Because I could've sworn l... What's wrong? Are you okay?
Cindy: We broke up.
Ted: Ugh. Well, I never liked him, and I never thought he deserved you... and I am sorry. I didn't know you were dating someone. Who was this?
Cindy: He was the architecture professor, the one who taught Econ 305 by accident.
The Mother: Oh. That guy? Why did you break up?
Cindy: He's got a thing for you.
The Mother: What? What? He's... What? Um, how could he have a thing for me? He's never even met me.
Cindy: He didn't have to. Everything he saw of yours, he went crazy for.
The Mother: You should have brought him to my room. He would've run screaming once he saw my calligraphy set, my coin collection, my chain-mail corset from the Renaissance fair. Well, that's pretty cool.

[flashback:]
The Mother: So we got dinner.
Kelly: And?
The Mother: He's nice.
Kelly: Nice? He sounds amazing. Handsome, good dresser, paid for dinner. What more do you want? Do you know how rough it is out there? I once met a guy claiming to be a genie whose penis grants wishes.
The Mother: Oh, my God. Who would even fall for that?
Kelly: The point is, Louis sounds great.

[flashback:]
The Mother: "Bass player wanted." That is what the ad said. Can you believe that? After I'm the one who invited Darren into the band. What am I gonna do?
Lily: You need to steal this douche-monkey's van and then run my husband over with it.
The Mother: While that's very tempting, I've never really been the type of person to...
Lily: "Must be hotter than the girl we have now, who in my opinion is a 6 at best."
The Mother: [smashes glass]

The Mother: Louis.
Louis: Will you marry me?
[later:]
The Mother: Can you give me a minute?
Louis: Um... Okay.
The Mother: There's someone that I need to talk to. I'll be right back.
[She goes out onto the porch and holds onto a wooden beam, looking up at the sky:]
The Mother: Hi, Max. It's me. Sorry to interrupt. I know you're probably up there playing baseball with your dad. Um... Look, I've got a situation here. I think that I have been holding myself back from falling in love again. And I think it's because I can't let you go. But you're not here anymore... so I have to ask this. Would it be okay if I moved on? I realize that you have no way of answering that, but... [gust of wind blows] Okay. I will take that as a yes. In that case, I should get back in there. I guess this is it. For real this time. Bye, Max.
[inside:]
Louis: So?
The Mother: My answer is... ...no.

Ted: Barney, I was just out there on the patio. And there's someone in the room next to us. I didn't see her, but she was playing the ukulele. Barney?

[flashback to September 2005:]
Ted: You're my best friend, Barney.
Barney: Good. As your best friend, I suggest we play a game I call Have You Met Ted?
Kelly: [on the phone] What? Oh, my God, I'm so stupid. Stay there. I'm on my way.
[Kelly runs out of MacLaren's, flags down a cab, arrives at a different MacLaren's pub and enters the crowded bar]
Kelly: I am so, so sorry. I went to the one on the West Side.
The Mother: I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me.

[flashback to March 2008:]
Kelly: Okay, yes, you're doing something nice, but you're still bailing on me.
The Mother: So I guess karmically, it evens out?
Kelly: I'm just worried about you.
The Mother: Don't be. Have fun. And who knows? Maybe you'll bump into someone tonight.
[Kelly bumps into Barney]
Barney: Oof. Girl, I will "shamrock" your world.
[Kelly walks away]
Barney: I'll- We'll- Okay.