Ted: Wait. You know how to drive, right?
Barney: What, of course I know how to drive. I love driving. Hitting the road. Cruising the lanes. And braking. Honking. Love it. Except for lady drivers. Don't get me started on lady drivers.
Ted: Which pedal's the gas?
Barney: Trick question.
Ted: No, it's not.
Barney: Yes, it is.
Ted: No, it's not.
Barney: Middle, left, right? I never learned how to drive! I grew up in the city. I never had a chance.
Ted: Well, guess what? You're getting your chance. Because I'm going to teach you. Barney Stinson, buckle up.

Marshall: Guys. This Fiero's meant a lot to all of us. Friendships were made. Adventures had. Horrors faced. That's why we have to get rid of it.
Barney: Yes!
Ted and Robin: What?
Marshall: It's lived a great life and it deserves to die with dignity.
Ted: But 200,000...
Marshall: But that's life. You know? You never end up where you thought you wanted to be. I'm not helping the environment. Ted's not a philosopher. Lily's not not a world-famous artist. Barney's never driven more than ten miles an hour. Robin, I'm sure, has also experience disappointment in her life. Maybe? And my Fiero's not a Fiero that went 200,000 miles. It's okay. You know? Those are old dreams. We'll get a new car and we'll fill that one up with new memories. And that'll be the car we had when we were first married. When we owned our first house. Maybe even the first car our four kids remember.

Marshall: Hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment. They're real Cubans. I got 'em in Chinatown last year just for this moment.
Ted: Uh, Marshall, I'm not saying you were definitely ripped off, but these are chopsticks wrapped in napkins.

Ted: Hey. One good thing: we're off the hook for the folding party today.
Marshall: Hey. It's very important to both Lily and me that there be a handmade origami crane in each of our wedding's... [breaking up laughing] I couldn't even get through it. Thank God.

Ted: Hey, your car's going to be fine. This is the best auto shop around. Look at this certificate. One of the mechanics here finished a 64-ounce steak.

Marshall: My brothers handed it down to me when I was 16.
Robin: Oh, how nice of them.
Marshall: Not really.
[flashback to sixteen-year-old Marshall in front of his house with his brothers:]
Marcus Eriksen: Congratulations.
Marvin Eriksen Jr.: The Fiero is yours. If you pass the final test.
Marshall: Come on! I already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters. Only $4.50 has come out.
Marcus Eriksen: Just go to the Weinerburger drive-thru and get us 12 cups of coffee.
Marshall: That's it?
Marvin Eriksen Jr.: Oh, yeah. But we get to decide what you wear.
Marshall: Agreed. Totally agreed.
[Marshall goes to the drive-thru naked]

Lily: Barney. That's like the third one in a row that you've screwed up.
Barney: Well, I'm trying, but it's...
Lily: Look. You fold twice to the middle, fold back and forth, pull the ends out, flip over, open the flaps, fold the edges, crease the front, fold in half, fold the wings down, push in the bottom corners, and fold the wings back out. Or would you like one of my kindergartners to show you?
Barney: Wait, wait, wait. Wait, I think I've got it.
Lily: No. Forget it; the paper's too expensive. You're out.
Barney: Aw, nerts.

Ted: The food rule is insane. We could have died because of it. Remember the 100K fiasco?
Marshall: Ah, the Fiero-asco.
Ted: Dude, I told you that doesn't work. It's the 100K fiasco.
Robin: What's the 100K fiasco?
Marshall: The Fiero-asco?

Ted: It was just before winter break our freshman year of college. Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't really good friends yet.
Marshall: I thought Ted was a little bit pretentious.
Ted: And Marshall was a total slob.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall's college room:]
Marshall: Hey. [Marshall tosses a sandwich in the trash can, but misses] I'm driving my Fiero back over break. I know we see enough of each other as it is, but if you want a ride, I could use the gas money. You live in Ohio, right? I could swing through and pick you up.
Ted: All right, first of all, my parents live in Ohio. I live in the moment. Plus, Karen and I haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving. We're both really invested in making this long-distance thing work, so...

[flashback to college-era Ted and Marshall in the Fiero:]
Ted: It was totally mutual. I mean, Karen brought it up first, but I... it was... it was totally mutual.
Marshall: I hear you.
Ted: So what's up with you and Lily? Anything serious
Marshall: Yeah. Dude, we're college freshmen. I'm not going to get tied down by the first chick I hook up with. Lily's cool, but this bird you'll never chain, you know?