Brad: He wants me to work an extra two days a week.
Tim: Wow!
Jill: Well, I guess that's OK, as long as you keep up with your schoolwork. But don't forget, you've got a big day coming up in two weeks.
Tim: That's right! We're putting the engine in the hot rod.
Jill: Brad is taking his PSAT tests.
Tim: Oh, God, how I hated... ...when those tests were over.

Brad: I'll be back. I got to go study my product brochures.
Tim: Wait, wait, wait, wait! I thought we were gonna block-sand the hot rod.
Brad: No, I can't do it tonight, Dad. Rob says if you want to get ahead, you've got to work while the other guy sleeps.
Tim: Well, maybe I'll wake the other guy up and he can help me.

Tim: He sure likes that new boss of his.
Jill: Why wouldn't he? I mean, Rob is 25. He's got a ski condo, sports car, lots of girlfriends. Everything Brad wants.
Tim: Everything I want. Except the condo. So, Jill, you in the mood for a little block-sanding tonight?
Jill: Well, maybe. If you spend some time talking to me first.
Tim: I'll do it myself.

Jason: Brad, you, uh, talk to Holly about going out with me?
Brad: Yeah.
Jason: [laughs] What'd she say?
Brad: Her exact words were, "Jason is a repulsive maggot."
Jason: Did she smile when she said it? Holly!
Holly: You're a disgusting worm.
Jason: All right! I'm moving up the food chain.
Rob: [laughs] Are you here again?
Jason: No. Well, I was just leaving, Rob, my man. I'm off to the lingerie shop. You never know when some young lady's gonna need a [whispers] second opinion.

Tim: Where's he gonna take ya?
Brad: To this place where the waitresses dress up like pirate wenches.
Tim: Pirate's Plank.
Brad: Yeah!
Tim: Yeah. Watch out for wench number three. Her parrot... arrh... bites.

Tim: He's been reading those brochures so much. He should be out doing fun things the kids are doing.
Jill: Like what?
Tim: Well, like studying for those PT-109 tests.
Jill: Or helping you with the hot rod.
Tim: Jill, these are Brad's formative block-sanding years.

Randy: When's dinner?
Jill: And hello to you too.
Tim: We're gonna eat as soon as Brad gets back from taking his PMS test.
Randy: That's today? I mean, I just saw Brad through the window at the sporting goods store.
Jill: He was supposed to leave at noon to take the test.
Randy: Well, uh, maybe it wasn't through the window at the store. Maybe I saw Brad through the window at school. Yeah. That's it. He was taking the test. He was doing well. Gotta go. Bye.

Tim: Is Brad Taylor here?
Holly: Is anybody really here? Or are we all just random combinations of sub-atomic particles?
Tim: # Oooee-ooee-ooee # Follow me. I'm looking for a random grouping of sub-atomic molecules with blond hair that looks like my son Brad.
Holly: Yeah. Yeah. He went on an errand for my money-grubbing, capitalist brother.
Tim: I'll wait for him. I'll sit in this fancy little chair here.
Holly: Yeah, you break it, you buy it.

Rob: Well, I see you've gotten to know the chair.
Tim: Actually, the chair just got to know me. Howdy. I'm Tim Taylor. I'm Brad's dad.
Rob: Hey, the Tool Man!
Tim: Yeah.
Rob: You know, a chair like this would really come in handy after a hard day of injuries and explosions.

Brad: Dad, what are you doing here?
Tim: I came down here to tell you I want you to quit this job.
Brad: Because I missed the PSATs? Look, I told you I would take them another day.
Rob: Your dad just wants to make sure you got priorities straight.
Tim: Rob, I think I can handle this. I just want to make sure you got your priorities straight. I was gonna say that.