Jill: Listen, this is all new and exciting to him now, but once he gets used to it, he'll calm down and then it'll be part of his routine.
Tim: Yeah. Kind of like marriage, huh? When you first get married, it's really exciting. Then it, you know... You know, it turns... It's not, you know, it's not... Well, it's not like that at all. It's more... It's not a job. It's more of an adventure.

Brad: [answers phone] Uh, Sports Universe. This is Brad.
Tim: Uh, you're busted. It's Dad.
Jill: [on the cordless phone] What are you doing there? You're supposed to be taking your PSATs!
Brad: Holly was supposed to take over for me at noon. But she had to go to the doctor because she had a tongue rash.
Tim: We told you you could take this job as long as it didn't interfere with your school work. You remember that?
Brad: Look, I can take the PSATs another day. Besides, Rob never even went to college and he's doing pretty well. I'm with a customer. I'll talk to you later. [hangs up]
Tim: [still on the phone] No, you'll.. He'll talk to us later.
Jill: Well, you're right. Rob is definitely a bad influence.
Tim: I told you he was gonna be trouble.
Jill: Well, what are we gonna do?
Tim: Well, since we're in the same house, I think the first step would be to stop talking on the phones.

Rob: Yeah, I'm doing pretty well now, but Brad doesn't know about the crummy jobs I had before I got here.
Tim: Well, maybe it'd be a good idea if you told him.
Rob: You know, I spent two years cleaning bathrooms at Stan's Polish Restaurant in Hamtramck? You wouldn't believe what goes on in there.
Tim: Yeah, I would.

Tim: I'm pretty damn proud of my education. Not that I flaunt it. I mean, there's a lot of people I've got convinced I have no education at all.

Tim: Working on that job interview? How's it going?
Brad: Ah, it's going all right. I mean, it's just a part-time job selling wieners.
Tim: Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You back that wiener wagon right back up. There's no such thing as "just a job." Someone's paying you for something, you take it seriously, you understand?
Randy: Dad, he'd be in charge of relish.
Tim: Here's a tip. Compliment them on their sauerkraut. You know, tell them it's right up there with the kraut burrito at Casa de Bratwurst.
Brad: Won't he see right through me if I kiss up?
Tim: [scoffs] Excuse me. The guy's the manager of a Wiener Barn. How sharp can the guy be?

Brad: Can you help me?
Holly: Can anybody really help anybody? We're all alone. And then we die. It's time for my break.
Rob: That's unbelievable. I've taken one ten-minute break in my life. The doctor put that plaster cast on me and I was back at work before the plaster dried.
Brad: Just like my dad.
Rob: I'm Rob. I own the place.
Brad: Brad. Nice to meet you.
Rob: What can I do for you, Brad?
Brad: Well, I'm a little early for my job interview across the mall, I thought I'd check out your snowboards.
Rob: Snowboarding. That's how I ended up in my second body cast. But hey, on the up side, I ended up selling the entire surgical team a fleet of kayaks. Excuse me, Brad. There's a beautiful woman there looking at a $1,500 bicycle. I love this job.

Rob: So you're also an expert on rollerblading.
Brad: Well, I wouldn't say I'm an expert.
Rob: You're doing a good job driving customers out of my store.
Brad: I'm sorry. That was my neighbor Wilson.
Rob: Brad, do you know what I do to people who do what you just did?
Brad: Cut out their hearts?

Brad: Well, it sounds a lot better than steaming wieners.
Rob: What do you say we go talk salary over at Java Joe's? You a coffee lover, Brad?
Brad: Yeah, and one day, I hope to be a coffee drinker.

Man: Hi. I'm looking for some new golf clubs.
Holly: [scoffs] Golf? Now there's a total waste of time. What, do you wear those silly clothes too? [laughs]
Brad: Actually, sir, our golf section's right over there. Our best clubs are probably our graphite. But if you want something a little less expensive, try steel. Go ahead, see what feels comfortable. I'll be back.
Rob: Nice work, Brad. I'm gonna help the golf guy. You haven't taken a break.
Brad: Hey, I don't need a break. I'm trying to make a sale. You know, it's kind of what I'm going for here.
Rob: You're doing a great job. You've made more sales in one day than Holly's made in... Actually, Holly's never made a sale.
Brad: Well, if you don't mind me asking, why did you hire her?
Rob: I've got a good heart. And she's my sister.
Brad: Well, maybe one day she'll finally wake up and take her job seriously, huh?
Holly: I need a two-hour lunch. I'm getting my tongue pierced.
Brad: Doesn't that hurt?
Holly: Yeah.

Tim: Hey, Brad. How was the first day at the new job?
Brad: Unbelievable! Rob said I took in the highest first-day gross of any salesman still living with his parents.