Tim: The problem I see is how to get rid of a metric ton of pork rinds.
Wilson: Well, I hope the Value Club lets me return some of this stuff. Although, I must say I have become quite fond of some of these high-tech appliances. You know, I think I'm gonna keep that stapler.
Tim: Always living on the edge.
Wilson: You know what I do want to unload, though, is this answering machine device here. You know, that thing has been blinking all day.
Tim: That means you have a message.
Stuart: [on machine] Wilson, this is Stuart from the Campus Cafe. Your show has gotten a lot of good responses. If you're not already booked, we'd like you to come back on Friday. [beeps]
Tim: All right!
Wilson: [to the machine] Thank you, Stuart. I'd love to.
Tim: He can't hear you.
Wilson: [yelling] Thank you, Stuart! I'd love to!

Wilson: But who has the time when there's so much TV to watch?
Randy: Wilson just bought a Montesushi 700.
Wilson: That's right. With cone filter, PlP, surround sound and splendovision.
Tim: [grunting] Oh, I love splendovision!

Tim: [coughing] We'd like to welcome you back to Men's Cooking Week.
Al: And apologize for the hasty end to our flambe‚ demonstration.
Tim: Never soak your peaches in jet fuel. Who would have thought?
Al: Obviously not you.

Tim: While this is working its way through Al's system, let me tell you about the company right her in Michigan that makes this drink that combines fruit and vegetables called Vruit. They get my "vrote."
Al: Now we'd like you to meet one of the innovators in Michigan food industry. He's been combining unusual foods for years. Give a warm welcome to Ray Pleva. Ray, welcome aboard.
Ray: Tim.
Tim: OK, well, we're gonna see what's the latest invention from the Ray Pleva kitchen.
Ray: Something really unique.
Tim: [gasps] It's a hamburger, Ray. What else did you invent down there? Rock and roll? Shoes? Clouds?
Ray: No. Just this.
Al: Well, actually, Tim, this isn't a regular hamburger. Ray has mixed his beef with one of Michigan's finest resources.
Tim: Motor oil?
Ray: No, cherries. Cherries and beef.

Tim: [to the family] Watch your wallets.
Elzina: Do you have reservations?
Tim: Lots of them. But my wife made me come anyway.

Mark: Mom, these people look kind of weird.
Jill: Well, they may look a little odd, but deep down, they're no different than you and me.
Man: Excuse me. Are you interested in helping to overthrow regimes in the Third World?
Mark: I'm eleven.

Wilson: Oh, speaking of which, Tim, would you like to come over to my house tomorrow night and hang? I'm having some of the guys over to watch a basketball game.
Tim: What guys? You got guys?
Wilson: Well, actually, they're your guys. Benny and Harry, 8:00. Be there or be square.

Jill: Well, Tim, I think we've lost the old Wilson forever.
Tim: We might have lost the old Wilson. The upside is, the new Wilson gave me enough toilet paper to last for the rest of the afternoon.

Al: Well, Tim, unless your drink gets a ten out of ten, I think I've won.
Tim: I have a lot of faith in my lima bean smoothie.
Al: You're not supposed to give away the ingredients.
Benny: Oh, you know what a sucker I am for lima beans.
Tim: I've already cooked my lima beans. Add a soupcon of secret ingredients. A little bit of cultured buttermilk. Ah, yeah. And some baking powder just for froth.
Al: Tim, you want to be careful. Buttermilk and baking powder can be a volatile mixture.
Tim: Al, back off. I know what I'm doing. All right. Now, just press "frappe‚" for me.
[When Benny turns on the blender, the mixture erupts, blowing the lid off and soaking him]

Harry: Hey, the Pistons just tied it up.
Benny: Great. I've got 50 bucks riding on this game.
Harry: What's the spread?
Wilson: [enters] The spread is a delightful aerosol cheddar. And the sample lady said it had a shelf life of 45 years.
Tim: The spread refers to the odds in the final score of the game.
Wilson: Many times spectators would have to give their clothes to the... [cheering on TV]
Benny: What happened?
Announcer: [on TV] That was the most incredible play I have seen all season!
Harry: Of course, we didn't get to see it because somebody's blocking the TV... again.
Wilson: Oh! Oh!
Tim: How are those little pizzas doing?
Wilson: Coming right up. Don't do the wave without me.