Jill: Well, there is one thing that I've always wanted. I used to have this boyfriend in college...
Tim: No, no, no. You're not buying an old boyfriend.
Jill: No! He had this really cute little sports car and I always wanted one just like it.
Tim: Wait a minute. You're considering dropping that money on a car you don't need? I love you. I love you.
Jill: No. I can't do that. It's too crazy.
Tim: No, it'll be great. You'll look great running around the campus in an old convertible. Maybe a GTO or something.
Jill: You think so? I really could do that?
Tim: Yes. It's a well-known fact that driving a muscle car makes you look ten years younger.
Jill: Well, you only go around once.
Tim: If you had a fast car you could go around two, three times.

Jill: Tim, I don't understand why we have to come to a car lot. I found a bunch of cars I really like right here in this paper.
Tim: Okay, we'll get back to these. I just want you to meet my car guy. He only deals in real high-quality stuff.
Jerry: Timmy.
Tim: Jerry.
Jerry: Timmy.
Tim: Jerry.
Jill: Jilly.

Jerry: Well, if you're looking for something that purrs, Tim, the '69 El Camino.
Tim: I've driven this. This is great. It's perfect for you. Half car, half truck. We could put her into this.
Jerry: Oh, yeah.
Jill: "Put me into it"? You're not putting me into anything. What happened to the convertible?
Jerry: You're gonna love this baby. It's got it all. It's got a built 327...
Tim: Built 327!
Jerry: It's four-speed.
Tim: Four-speed.
Jerry: Posit traction.
Tim: Posit traction!

Tim: But, Jerry, the price is a little hefty. What can we do about that?
Jerry: Tim, they're numbers. They mean nothing.
Jill: Hello? Remember me? It's my car.
Tim: Back up. I'm making a big deal here.
Jerry: All right, bottom line. I could take $900 off the sticker, Tim. I'm not making a dime.
Jill: Well, that's true, 'cause I don't want this car.

Tim: [quietly to Jill] That's exactly how to play it. You get the best deal that way.
Jerry: All right. I'll throw in a set of new tires.
Jill: I don't want the car.
Jerry: Free undercoating.
Tim: [quietly to Jill] You got him right where you want him.
Jill: Have you heard one word I've said? I want to choose my own car! And I do not want that car!
Tim: I think you've done enough.
Jill: I must have been insane to think I could take you car shopping.
Tim: Jill. Jill.
Jill: Save it, Timmy. Good-bye, Jerry.
Jerry: She's killin' me. All right, LoJack.
Tim: LoJack!

Brad: Mom, you bought a great car.
Tim: You bought a car without me?
Mark: Yeah, and it's really cool.
Randy: We're moving in with her.

Jill: Nigel went over this car bumper to bumper. He said it was in great mechanical shape and I got a great deal.
Tim: Can I have the keys, please?
Jill: What for?
Tim: I want to take it for a little drive and see what kind of trouble you're in.
Jill: You put down my car. You put me down for buying my car. And you expect me to hand over the keys so you can tell me what else is wrong with it?
Tim: It's a thought.
Jill: Well, think about this. I don't want you to drive my car. I don't want you to ride in my car. I don't want you anywhere near my car!
Tim: So, I suppose putting it on the rack is out of the question. [off Jill's look] I'll fix my own dinner.

Jill: [car horn honking] That's my carpool. I should be back around 10:00.
Tim: OK. I got everything under control here. [inner monologue] She's leaving her keys to the Healey.
Jill: Make sure the boys do their homework. And don't try to help them.
Tim: Don't worry about that. [inner monologue] I could just check it out. But I gotta have it back before 10:00. [out loud] You have a good time, OK?
Jill: I will.
Tim: [inner monologue] Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. [Jill grabs her car keys] Oh, no. There's a new car in my garage. And I'm not allowed to drive it. I'm in Tim Taylor hell.

Tim: [inner monologue] It handles great. Smooth acceleration. This is wonderful. [British accent] This is fab. Blimey, I'm falling for a Brit. [normal voice] Just got to get this car home by 10:00 or I'm in big trouble with her mom.

Tim: [inner monologue] Why do they have to do road construction tonight? [horn honking] [out loud] What are you honking at me for? I'm not the one repaving the road?
Man: [o.s.] I love Tool Time.
[Tim gives the man a thumbs up]