Traffic Reporter: [on radio] Drivers at a standstill on the I-75 where a tractor-trailer overturned, spilling its load of strawberry preserves.
Jill: Well, that's what you call a real traffic jam.
Tim: Do you see my side splitting with that kind of humor? It splits right there. Look at my spleen. Take a look at it.

Tim: If I don't get to the banquet, I won't be able to accept my award.
Jill: Honey, we're in the middle of an interstate. There's no way out.
Tim: When I'm behind the wheel, there's always a way out. We can take the shoulder, all right? Go down that gravel embankment. That's a dry riverbed. We can just follow that. There's a storm tunnel up there. We can get right through. We're home free!
Jill: You can't do that!
Tim: This car can do it!
Jill: What about the pregnant woman in the back?
Tim: She'll never notice.
Heidi: Whoa!

Jill: [sighs] I can't believe you drove through that field. That poor cow.
Tim: I had no idea they could jump that high. Did you? [mooing]
Jill: Heidi. Heidi, how are you feeling?
Heidi: Better than that cow.

Tim: If you want to lay down, there's a pillow over there.
Heidi: Thanks, Tim. That was really thoughtful of you.
Jill: He just doesn't want you to drool on his car-club jacket.

Sparky: So, uh, where's the man of the hour?
Al: I have no idea.
Wilson: I hope everything's all right.
Sparky: Well, he'd better get here soon. The muffler guys are already exhausted. [laughs]

Tim: [on the phone] Hey, Al.
Al: Tim, where are you?
Sparky: Well, tell him people are impatient. The transmission guys are shifting in their seats. [laughs]

Sparky: The Car Guy of the Year had car trouble? What kind of car trouble?
Al: [on the phone with Tim] Uh, Sparky wants to know what kind of car trouble.
Tim: Is he right next to you?
Al: Yes, he is.
Tim: We hit a deer!
Al: They hit a deer! Is everyone all right?
Tim: Yeah. Everyone's all right. Uh, the deer's a little shaken up.
Al: Everyone's OK.
Sparky: I hit a deer once. Made a beautiful seat cover.

Jill: I hope Tim gets back soon.
Heidi: Yeah. I'm cold.
Jill: I'll get you a blanket.
Heidi: Now I'm hot.
Jill: Well, I'll open a window.
Heidi: No. Wait a minute. Now I'm not hot and I'm not cold.
Jill: So you're comfortable?
Heidi: Oh, I just had a contraction.
Jill: No.
Heidi: Yeah.
Jill: No!
Heidi: Oh, yeah.
Jill: Oh, my God!

Tim: I'm back! I got the gas! We should be at the banquet in about 25 minutes. When we get there, you both got to look like we hit a deer. All right?

Jill: Tim, guess what?
Tim: What?
Jill: Heidi's having contractions!
Tim: She's having contractions?
Jill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. About 45 minutes.
Tim: Are you telling me she might miss the banquet?
Jill: I'm saying forget about the banquet! She's having a baby! We have to get to the hospital.
Heidi: [moans] Oh!
Tim: Oh!