Jill: She's in too much pain to drive any further.
Tim: Oh, boy!
Jill: We've got to get to a hospital and get some help.
Ned: Well, hospital's pretty far away. You'd be better off calling Doc Vandergriff.
Jill: Is he an obstetrician?
Ned: The best. He delivered me.
Jill: How old is he?
Ned: I'm not sure. But he's very inexpensive. He hasn't raised his prices since Prohibition.

Heidi: I gotta use the restroom.
Tim: It's out of order.
Ned: Not the ladies' room.
Tim: You have a ladies' room?
Ned: Oh, yes. It's lovely. We just put in a skylight.
Heidi: Where is it?
Ned: In the ceiling.

Wilson: [on the phone] Jill, I hear there's movement afoot in the birth canal.
Jill: Yes, the contractions are coming fast. What do we do?
Wilson: Now, just relax. You know Lamaze. You can be Heidi's coach. Let's have Tim be the receiver.
Jill: Great idea! [to Heidi] OK. OK. Deep cleansing breath in. Chin down on the chest.
Tim: [goats] Got it! Got it! Got it!
Jill: Not you! I'm the coach. You're the receiver.
Tim: Great! What am I receiving? [stands at the foot of the desk] Hello!

Tim: [on the phone] Wilson, I don't think I can do this.
Wilson: I know you can, Tim. I'm reminded of the English novelist George Eliot who says, "Necessity does the work of courage."
Tim: Well, he's not looking at a head coming out of a cervix!

Tim: Whoa! We got a baby!
Jill: We have a baby!
Heidi: [crying] Oh! What is it?
Tim: Didn't you hear? It's a baby!
Jill: It's a little girl.
Tim: It's a girl! Looks just like Winston Churchill!

Tim: Ned, the girls are in the ambulance. The baby's safe. I think it's about time to say goodbye.
Ned: Not so fast. Under these circumstances, you've got to have a cigar.
Tim: Hey! Don't mind if l... Do I have to pay $150 deposit on this?
Ned: No, no, no. It's on me. This is a time of celebration.
Tim: You're right. A healthy baby right here in the gas station. [lights a match]
Ned: I'm sorry, sir. There's no smoking here.

Tim: It's gonna be a great evening. Car guys from all over are gonna be joining us.
Al: And proceeds from ticket sales will go right to charity.
Tim: Right. And I want to take this opportunity in front of everybody to thank you, Al, for purchasing that $500 Gold Circle Seat.
Al: [stammering] I didn't buy the Gold Circle Seat.
Tim: It's being deducted from your paycheck.

Al: And here to tell us everything about car interiors is the president of the Tri-City Hot Rodders Club, George "Sparky" Henderson!
Tim: Bring him on out here! [applause]
Sparky: Thank you, Tim. Thank you, guys. Thank you.
Tim: Always nice to have you on the show.
Sparky: Yeah. Thank you very much, Tim. And Al, I want to really thank you for buying that Gold Circle Seat for the banquet. We never sold one of those before.
Al: Well, actually, I didn't...
Tim: You know, Sparky owns one of Michigan's hot rod detail shops that specializes in custom interiors.
Al: That's right. He's an expert upholsterer.
Sparky: Well, if I may say so myself, I'm pretty nimble with a thimble. [chuckles]
Tim: And you just did.
Sparky: Thank you, Tim.

Tim: The mail come?
Randy: Yeah.
Tim: Any RSVPs for my awards banquet?
Randy: You got a whole bunch there.
Tim: I only reserved two tables. I should've known everybody would pay respects to Car Guy of the Year. "Unable to attend." "Watching TV that night." "Call me when you get an Emmy." "Don't hold your breath." This is terrible.

Al: There's nothing like a quality cover to keep your classic car in classic shape. [theme plays]
Tim: Good show, Al.
Al: Thank you.
Tim: When you fold this up, would you mind putting it in the back?
Al: Well, are you sure you've got any room left after all the other free Binford car products you got?
Tim: Well, it's just a few perks for getting that award I won again. What is it again? Car Guy of the Year. Hey, everybody! If you want to go to a banquet to pay your respects to The Tool Man, got to speak up. They're going fast. I only got a few left.
Producer: Sorry, Tim. I've gotta rearrange my sock drawer.