Antonio: Good evening. Our special pasta tonight is Linguine al Arrabbiata.
Randy: Ah, always good.
Lauren: What's Arrabbiata?
Randy: Well, it's... i's sorta... Well, it's kinda tough to describe. How would you put that into English?
Antonio: Sauce.
Randy: Of course.
Antonio: While you decide, can I bring you a soft drink?
Lauren: No. I'll just have water.
Randy: Me, too.
Antonio: Two waters. Big tip coming my way tonight.

Wilson: Buonasera, Randito!
Randy: Wilson?
Wilson: So what brings you here this evening?
Randy: Well, I'm on a date with Lauren. What are you doing here?
Wilson: Well, I'm getting together with my wine-tasting club.
Randy: Oh, yeah? Where is everyone else?
Wilson: Oh, they're probably at home, sobering up from our last meeting.

Wilson: So, how is your date with Lauren going?
Randy: Oh, well, so far I've inked her, soaked her and, uh, buttered my own hand.
Wilson: [laughs] Randy, everybody does that.
Randy: Really?
Wilson: No. I'm just trying to make you feel better.

Lauren: Hey, Randy. I'm back.
Randy: Yes, you are. You're here now. And I'm here now. And now we can sit in the candlelight and enjoy our water.
Lauren: I would like that.
Antonio: Are we ready to order? Or do we need another few hours here at my best table?
Randy: You know, excuse me, sir. I don't mean to be impolite, but this is our first date. The reason we picked this restaurant is we were told we'd have an enjoyable evening.
Antonio: I'm sorry. I'm a little jumpy tonight. I always get that way when I have to face this rowdy wine club. This one they call Wilson is a real handful.
Wilson: Signore! This Chianti is an insult to my palate. It has no exuberance.
Antonio: Allow me to bring you some complimentary appetizers.

Tim: This is serious, Al. Heidi quit.
Al: What?
Tim: Yeah. We talked last night, she was upset. And I think it's because I had Lisa on the show again.
Lisa: Wait, you mean you never asked Heidi how she felt about it?
Tim: Oh, boy! Here we go again.
Lisa: Tim, I never would've come back on the show if I knew it would upset Heidi.
Al: I never asked her how she felt about it either. How could I be so insensitive?
Tim: Pull yourself together, will you?

Women: [sing] The wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round round and round The wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town
Gail: Before we go on, does anybody have any questions?
Tim: I do. That bus you were singing about, what kind of power plant? Is that a Cummings, a Caterpillar or a Detroit Diesel in there?

Heidi: Tim, I told you how I felt. I have to move on. [baby cries]
Tim: But I need you.
Woman #1: Oh... Heidi, give him another chance.
Woman #2: He's making an effort.
Heidi: I know you're upset you had to share your role with another woman.
Woman #1: Another woman?
Woman #2: You pig!
Tim: Wait, wait, wait! I'm not her husband! I'm her boss.
Gail: Oh! Sexual harassment!

Gail: Tim, you want to be Amy's partner? We're gonna sing a song.
Tim: OK. How about a car song? Mustang Sally. How about that? [baby crying]
Gail: Well, actually, these songs are for the babies.
Tim: Well, you already sang a song for the babies.
Women: [sing] Itsy-bitsy spider Went up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain...
Tim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Something came out here. But it's certainly not the sun! Oh!

Randy: Lauren and I are going to my room to study for finals.
[Randy puts his arm around Lauren as they walk off]
Jill: They are so cute together. Remember how nervous you were when we first went out?
Tim: Mmm. I tried to kiss you. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands.
Jill: Yeah. You got over that quick.
Tim: Remember when we studied in your dorm room for finals?
Jill: Oh, yeah. One thing led to another and...
Tim: Yeah.
Both: Randy!

Lauren: Actually, you know what I'd really like? If somebody asked me out to dinner.
Randy: Oh, yeah? Anyone in particular?
Lauren: Yes.
Randy: Someone in the tri-state area?
Lauren: I'm talking about you.
Randy: Well, Lauren, I'd love to take you out to dinner. But wouldn't that, you know, be kind of a...
Lauren: ..date?
Randy: Yeah. That's what it sounded like. But you didn't mean it like that. Did you mean it like that?
Lauren: I did. Unless, of course, you don't want to go on a date.
Randy: Oh, no, no, no. I'd love to go on a date. That is, unless you don't want to.
Lauren: Randy, I asked you.
Randy: Oh, yeah. OK, then!