Bud: Now, uh, Tim. I'm not gonna blow a lot of sunshine up your butt.
Tim: Good, 'cause it sounds like it might be kind of painful.

Bud: Now... Tim, there's an aspect of Tool Time I need to talk to you about.
Tim: Shoot.
Bud: Yeah, well, when I was watching the show, there was one thing that, I don't know, just rubbed me the wrong way.
Tim: Ah, yeah. You didn't like our salute to lubricants.
Bud: Oh, lubricants? No, no. Lubricants is great television. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about something I feel is keeping the show from really taking off.
Tim: Gadget Corner. We can dump that one. I don't like it.
Bud: Oh, no. I love Gadget Corner.
Tim: Yeah... So do l. I love that. That's good, too.

Jill: Hi! What's in the bags?
Tim: Oh, about 300 different kinds of sausage. 800 pounds of potatoes.
Jill: What happened with Bud Harper?
Tim: Well, he'd like to sink more money into the show and take Tool Time national.
Jill: What? National? That's terrific! That's going to be great for you and Al.
Tim: Well... it's going to be a lot greater for me than it will be for Al.
Jill: What do you mean by that?
Tim: Well, if we make the move to national, I'll make more money and Al will make, before taxes, nothing.

Tim: This is an opportunity of a lifetime. Don't I owe it to myself just to consider it? I mean, Al is a good friend of mine, but how loyal do I have to be?
Jill: Depends on how good a friend you are.
Tim: Look at it this way. Maybe by firing Al, it would help his career.
Jill: Oh, how do you figure that?
Tim: Remember when Bob Vila and Norm broke up, no one thought Norm'd do anything. Now he's got that whittling thing on Channel 15.
Jill: Al would be devastated. Tool Time is everything to him.
Tim: That's sick right there. What kind of guy dedicates his whole life to a local cable show?
Jill: Hello?

Bud: Tim, I need to talk to you. I want to set up interviews with new assistants.
Tim: Don't bother. I've thought about it and I'm not doing the show without Al.
Bud: What are you talking about?
Tim: That's my decision. Even if it means staying right where I am.
Bud: Tim, I don't understand you. Why are you going to the mat for this guy? The only thing Al's done for you is drag you down.
Tim: No, I'm not doing the show without Al. He's a great tool man, he can fix anything and besides that, he's my friend.
Bud: Tim, you're making a really bad business decision.
Tim: I don't see it that way. My gut tells me your tests are wrong. America would love Al because Al loves America.
Al: I do.

Tim: All right, I've been thinking about going national. I've got something big in mind.
Al: We've already done a Porta-Potti show.
Tim: No, no, no. I made some adjustments. A few modifications, OK? All right. You know how those guys eat on the job site? I got a man-size... air freshener. Al, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll take this Porta-Potti where it's never been before, okay? I'm going to make it easier to move from job site to job site.
Al: And how are you gonna do that?
Tim: Small motor.
[After Tim starts the motor, he drives the Porta-Potti off the set]
Al: And they were gonna fire me.

Jill: He owns that chain of tire stores, a software company, the commuter airline.
Tim: That's right. Wait a minute, this guy's got a lot of money. That could help Tool Time.
Al: Or it could be the worst thing in the world to happen. You know how these big conglomerate guys work. They're ruthless. They come in, they cut out all the fat.
Tim: No wonder you're worried.

Al: They already fired the president. What if we're next? What if they fire us? What if they get rid of Tool Time?
Tim: Would you quit spitting on my neck?
Al: Well?
Tim: They're not going to get rid of Tool Time. We're the crown jewel of the Binford empire.
Jill: The crown jewel? I had no idea I was married to royalty.
Tim: Well, you know it now.

Jill: [answers phone] Hello. Yeah, just a minute please. [to Tim] Your Highness. Bud Harper's office calling.
Al: Oh, no! it's always worse when they call you at home.
Tim: Al.
Al: Oh, it's over, we're history. Sayonara.
Jill: Al, chill.

Bud: I'm talking about Al.
Tim: What about Al?
Bud: Well, I know you guys have been together a long time and I just... Six years?
Tim: Yeah!
Bud: Oh, well, good. Well... I'm gonna put this as delicately as possible.
Tim: Go ahead.
Bud: You gotta dump him.