Mark: Brad, what's detention like?
Brad: It's a drag. They sit you in a room, then they yell at you and finally, they make you do your homework.
Randy: It's just like being at home.
Jill: Except I can't get you to do your homework.
Randy: Neither could they. That's why Brad will be a late today too.
Brad: Would you shut up?
Jill: You got detention in detention?
Brad: Yeah, but it wasn't my fault.
Jill: It's never your fault.
Brad: Hey, thanks for understanding.

Jill: Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Well, hi-de-ho, neighborette.
Jill: How'd you like an obnoxious teenaged son for the next few years?
Wilson: Well, it wouldn't be first on my wish list.
Jill: Yeah, it's not first on mine either, but I have no choice. And I got two more hot on his heels.

Jill: He's going to fire Al?
Tim: No, no, no. He wants me to fire Al.
Jill: Well, that's terrible. I can't believe they'd put you in that position.
Tim: Me neither. I can't fire Al.
Jill: Of course you can't.
Tim: If I don't fire Al, they're not going to put money into Tool Time and there goes my dream - taking the show national, making more money, buying that vacation home we've been thinking about.
Jill: Oh, the one on the lake with the screened-in porch all the way around.
Tim: Mmm. 10,000 square foot garage. Tell me why I'm giving this up again.
Jill: 'Cause it's the right thing to do.
Tim: What else you got?

Al: So, how did breakfast go? Is the rumor true?
Tim: What rumor is that, Al?
Al: Well, Heidi heard that Harper wants to take the show national.
Tim: He might have said something about going national at breakfast.
Al: Well, that is our dream come true!
Tim: Well, dreams die, Al.
Al: What are you talking about?
Tim: I told him I wasn't interested.
Al: Why would you say that?
Tim: I don't know. I just thought it was the right thing to do and I don't want to talk about it.

Al: How could you possibly make a decision like that without thinking how it affects me?
Jill: Al...
Al: Oh, you're just... You're so selfish. It's always Tim, Tim, Tim. Just once, what about Al?
Jill: What about breakfast? I got pancakes, waffles...
Al: I don't want breakfast. I want to know why you're trying to ruin my career.
Tim: You wanna know why I don't want to go national? You wanna know why? I'll tell you exactly why...
Jill: Potatoes. I got O'Brien potatoes, hash browns...
Al: Well, I thought that I could count on you, but obviously all you can think about is yourself. I guess you just forgot about a little word called "loyalty." [exits]
Tim: Would you remind me one more time... why I am giving up my dream for that man?
Jill: OK, OK, OK. Nothing's coming.

Tim: So you're saying I should fire Al?
Jill: I'm not saying that.
Tim: You're implying it.
Jill: I'm not implying.
Tim: Would you imply it? Please, please, please?
Jill: I mean, how could you fire Al? He's like part of our family.
Tim: Well, I just could treat him like a member of your side.

Tim: Give me some time to prove we have what it takes to go national.
Bud: Oh...
Tim: Put me in ten cities.
Bud: No, no, no. No way.
Tim: Eight cities.
Bud: No, forget it.
Tim: Five cities, Bud.
Bud: Tim. You know you're a loyal guy. You went to bat for a friend and I respect that. I'll put you in two new markets.
Al: We'll take it.
Bud: It's not up to you.
Al: Well, of course not.

Al: I feel like the biggest jerk in the world. Here I said all those horrible things and you were just standing up for me.
Tim: Don't... Don't give it another thought. You'd have done the same for me.
Al: No, no, I am lucky to have a friend like you. You're as big as they come.
Tim: Ohh... You're getting the "I'm going to hug you" look and I don't like that, Al.
Al: Just a little one.
Tim: No, Al...
Al: Oh, come on... [hugs Tim]
Tim: Argh! You're pushing me. You're fired!
Al: I am not, you big friend, you.