Tim: Come on. Guess what the surprise is, anybody.
Jill: That once we get there you'll start acting like a sane person?
Tim: Way off. Guess again.

Jill: Look, it's beautiful. It's exactly the same.
Tim: Well, not exactly. They fixed the plumbing. Now, when you turn on the faucet, it doesn't sound like mating whales.

Tim: Boys! Boys! Just put the spring back in the mattress. Put some duct tape over it, all right? Any more lip, you'll just have to wait longer for that surprise. Hey, are you relaxed? Boy, am I relaxed!
Jill: No, I'm a wreck. My oldest son is heartbroken. And my youngest son is dressing like Johnny Cash.
Tim: They're teenagers, honey. They're doing the same stuff we used to do.
Jill: No, it is much harder to be a teenager nowadays. Things are must faster, it's more competitive, peer pressure's more intense.
Tim: Jill! Jill! We're on vacation. More importantly, I'm on vacation.

Lauren: Hello?
Jill: Oh, hi, Lauren.
Lauren: Is Randy around? Randy?
Tim: Oh, for the love of Mike! I knew we forgot something!

Lauren: I came by boat with my friend and my little sister. Do you want to go for a ride?
Randy: Sure.
Tim: Whoa. Friend? Sister? You know we have extra boys around here.
Jill: I don't think Brad and Mark are gonna be in the mood for that.
Tim: Really? Brad, Mark, there's girls down at the lake that want to meet you.
[Brad and Mark run out of their room and head for the door]
Brad: All right. Hey, Lauren.
Mark: Bye, Dad.

Lauren: This is so peaceful.
Randy: Yeah. I just can't wait until we get to be alone.
Brad: Alone. I guess when it comes down to it, all of us are alone.
Mark: Will you shut up?

Brad: Wow. That's a big piece of meat.
Randy: Good thing they re-did the plumbing.
Tim: How come your girls didn't join us for dinner, fellas?
Randy: Oh, probably 'cause they're still picking kelp out of their ears.

Brad: Jenny hated me. You think I talked about Angela too much?
Randy: Brad, you did 20 minutes on how nice her teeth were.
Brad: Oh, I loved to watch her chew.
Mark: Will you shut up?

Tim: Guys, come on. Let's not fight. We're in a place we all love. It's almost time for that surprise.
Jill: Thank God. I'm so sick of the surprise. I don't care what it is. I don't care what it cost. I want it over.
Tim: It will be. All I gotta do is light these coals.
Jill: No!
[Jill and the boys run back into the cabin]

Tim: Uncover your eyes.
Jill: This is the big surprise?
Brad: This is the old lodge.
Tim: That's right. They haven't used it in about 10 years.
Jill: Well, you can tell. There's broken windows, cobwebs everywhere. A moose with one antler.
Tim: I know it doesn't look like much, but it will after we fix it up.
Jill: We?
Tim: We're gonna buy this place.
Jill: We're gonna what?
Tim: We're gonna buy this place, sell our house, say good-bye to Detroit, move up here. Surprise!