‘Maybe, Baby’
Season 3, Episode 1 - Aired September 15, 1993
Jill's sister is having a baby girl, which leads Jill to wonder whether their family is complete.
Quote from Randy
Brad: Whoa. Mom really wanted Mark to be a girl.
Randy: Yeah. I think we can have some fun with this. Oh, uh... Mark! Come on in here.
Mark: What do you want?
Randy: Buddy... have a seat. [Brad sighs] Well, we just found out some awful news from Dad, and we wanted to tell you before you heard it from a stranger.
Mark: What?
Randy: Well, Dad told us that when Mom had you, she really wanted a girl.
Mark: You're lying.
Brad: He just showed us the pink blanket she made for you.
Mark: He did not.
Randy: Yeah, you know how she's always saying she wants to bake with you.
Brad: And how she's always taking you shopping.
Randy: She's pretending you're her daughter.
Quote from Randy
Jill: Hey, Mark, we're gonna make a cake when I get home from work.
Mark: I'm not helping you.
Jill: How come? You love to make cakes.
Mark: I'm never baking again. [exits]
Jill: What's with him?
Randy: I don't know, but I'm sure gonna miss his brownies.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Tim. Tim. Tim!
Tim: What? I love it. It looks good. Your, uh... The hair, perfect. New outfit? Thinner? Younger?
Jill: Thank you, but that's not it. Remember what we were talking about last night?
Tim: Oh, the baby. I won't bring it up again, promise.
Jill: I'm bringing it up. Come on, haven't you thought about how nice it would be to have a little girl?
Tim: No! We have all the kids we can stand right now.
Quote from Tim
Tim: As sure as a bear takes reading material into the woods, tools lose their edge. That's why Al and I are doing our Tool Time salute... [grinding] to sharpeners. Before we get to the meat of the show, though, something happened at my house today that got me thinking, and I was wondering...
Al: Tim? Didn't you promise this year that you would stick to tools and not get into your personal life?
Tim: A promise is a promise, isn't it? But does this mean anything to you at all? [crosses his fingers] So, I was hoping...
Al: Well, how would you like it if I talked about my personal life?
Tim: When you get one, we'll talk about it. Right now, I'd like to talk about women and babies. What is the big deal? Women and babies, babies and women. If women gave birth to cars, that would be a big deal. You'd have guys lined up in delivery rooms seeing that stuff, huh?
Audience: Yeah.
Tim: Imagine your wife delivering a 3,000-pound Ferrari. Yeah! Oh, yeah. Slip it in gear, kiss your wife, drive the baby home. [laughs]
Quote from Tim
Tim: Her sister Carol is having a little girl, and I think it's stirring stuff in Jill. I think she'd like to have a little girl.
Wilson: Ah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm... Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I get the feeling that you're not happy about the event.
Tim: I like the things just the way they are. The house, the kids, Jill. I have 276 power tools.
Wilson: So, what you're telling me, Tim, you feel your life is complete.
Tim: Yeah, in a manner of speaking, sure.
Wilson: Well, maybe Jill doesn't feel the same way.
Tim: What's that supposed to mean?
Wilson: I think what Jill is after... is a legacy.
Tim: A Japanese car.
Wilson: That's a good one, Tim. That's a good one.
Quote from Tim
Tim: I think I know why you want a daughter. You want to be immortal, like me.
Jill: You're immortal?
Tim: Long after I'm gone, the boys will still be burping.
Jill: What?
Tim: But you don't have a little Jill Jr. to pass on girl stuff to.
Jill: Oh, girl stuff, huh? Like cooking and cleaning and doing laundry?
Tim: Don't forget darning socks.
Jill: That's a skill I'd hate to see die out.
Tim: I'm kidding. What I'm saying is if I can be immortal, you should be able to be immortal, too. So, let's... let's... let's talk about having a daughter.
Jill: Are you serious?
Tim: Yeah. And then I could build her a little Barbie Dream House. And I'd remodel the whole downstairs, you know, put in a rec room, a little weight room for Ken, a little back door for GI Joe.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Hey, welcome to Tool Time. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. You all know my assistant Al "What's the point of having a weekend?" Borland. We've been gone for two weeks on vacation, Al and I. It's good to be back. I hope you enjoyed the reruns. While we were gone, Al, I guess you finished that log cabin up at Hope Lake?
Al: Yes, Tim, I have. I finished it completely by myself. Everything in it is made from logs.
Tim: Fantastic. Can't wait to stop by and meet the little log woman.
Quote from Tim
Tim: The point is, to John Q Primitive Man, this was his source of fire. They would try to get a spark going, rubbing like this, to see if they could get the kindling moving.
Al: Well, you should be careful, because you could start a fire.
Tim: Like I'm really gonna start a fire with sticks like this. You can't get a spark...
Al: Tim...
Tim: Al... Al...
Al: You're on fire.
Tim: Indeed I am, Al, and, you know, I've done this to teach the kids an important lesson - don't play with sticks. They can put your eye out or ignite your forearm. Al, could you help me out?
Quote from Jill
Jill: Boys! Hey! Hey, boys, come on. You don't wanna be late for school.
Mark: Yes, we do.
Randy: Well, hey, if we're gonna be late, we might as well not go at all.
Brad: Yeah.
Jill: Yeah, right. You know, when I was a kid, I could not wait to get to school, see my teachers, hand in my homework, take all those tests I always got A's on.
Brad: Yeah, but I bet you got beat up a lot.
Jill: Every day. Now move it, guys. Have a good time at school.
Quote from Jill
Tim: Right! I got the horn working for the hot rod, huh?
Jill: Really? I thought a flock of geese had exploded in there.
Tim: Speaking of a flock of geese, your sister called.
Jill: What did she say about the ultrasound? What is she having?
Tim: A baby.
Jill: I know she's having a baby. What kind of a baby?
Tim: I dunno. I hope it doesn't look a lot like her.
Jill: OK, I'll call her. I can't believe you're so blasé about this. You know, having a baby is a big deal.
Tim: What's the big deal? Cells get together and multiply. Poof! You got a baby. You women act as though it's some sort of miracle.
Jill: It is a miracle.
Tim: No, no, no, no, no, a miracle is what happened to the 1980 US Olympic hockey team. You women give birth, thousands of fans don't stand up and go, "USA! USA! USA!"
Jill: Well, maybe women should start giving birth in stadiums.
Tim: Well, maybe they should! Good luck getting 50,000 guys to see that.