Jill: Mom, after you went through menopause, did Dad still find you...
Lillian: Desirable?
Jill: Yeah.
Lillian: You betcha.
Jill: Really? Well... Uh... What about you? Did you still have the same...
Lillian: Same drive?
Jill: Yeah.
Lillian: Actually, even more so. I remember one night he came home from three months on maneuvers, and we went up to the bedroom. And I was just a wild...
Jill: That's okay, Mom! Thank you. That's good! That's good.
Lillian: He saluted me for a week.

Jill: Tim, is that you?
Tim: I'll go with no.
Jill: What took you so long? I wanted to talk to you.
Tim: I was at the store getting you some low-fat milk. And in anticipation of your ever-changing moods, I got you a variety. I got 2%. I got you 1%. I got you low-fat skims. I got you lactose-free. I got soy milk, rice milk, goat milk, and for me, milk of magnesia.
Jill: I can't believe you got seven different kinds of milk.
Tim: Well, that's all they had.

Heidi: I brought you these. [holds bouquet of flowers]
Jill: Oh, they are so beautiful.
Al: And I brought you these! [walks in with an array of balloons]
Jill: Oh, Al. [inner monologue] What does he think this is? A grand opening?
Al: Balloons really cheered up my mother when she had her hysterectomy.
Jill: [inner monologue] Please, God, take me now!

Heidi: When did your mom have a hysterectomy?
Al: While she was in her mid-50s. And she did not react well to "the change." But with the help of hormonal supplements, she bounced right back.
Tim: Put a heck of a dent in the earth's crust.

Al: Now my Aunt Martha, she didn't take the hormones and she grew a goatee. On both her chins.
Jill: [inner monologue] Not a jury in the land would convict me.

Volunteer: Why don't you just sit down and have a cup of coffee?
Tim: Because I'm going crazy. And I still don't know what's going on with my wife.
Volunteer: Well, we're all concerned, Mr. Wong.
Tim: Do I look like Mr. Wong to you? I'm Mr. Taylor. I'm sorry. This waiting is just driving me crazy.
Volunteer: Oh, and I understand. When my husband Harold went in for surgery, they said it was only gonna take three hours.
Tim: How long did it eventually take?
Volunteer: 15 hours.
Tim: Oof.
Volunteer: Oh, but that included the autopsy.
Tim: I feel a lot better now. Thank you.

Nurse: Look who's back.
Tim: Hey. How you feeling?
Jill: Like hell.
Tim: Well, you wouldn't know to look at you.
Jill: I'm sure.
Tim: Anything I can do to help?
Nurse: Yeah, stand back. I've seen Tool Time.

Jill: I can't believe it. He took everything. I'm gutted like a fish.
Tim: Oh, no! We don't look at it that way. You had surgery. You had your radiator flushed. You're gonna be running cool now.
Jill: I'm not a car, Tim. I'm only 42 years old. I'm gonna go through menopause 10 years before I'm supposed to.
Tim: You start early, you know. The early bird catches the worm. Honey.

Tim: It's hard to tell what flavor this Jell-O is. It's either lime or guacamole.

Tim: Hey, honey. Good news. Got another visitor.
Wilson: And we can stay all day.
Jill: [inner monologue] At least the bear doesn't talk.
Bear: Get well soon. Get well soon.