Bud: Well, I'm sure they're gonna love you. But I still have doubts about Al.
Tim: No...
Bud: Yeah, yeah. Which is why I made a little change.
Tim: Change?
Bud: Yeah.
[Al walks out with his hair slicked back, wearing a light pink shirt and an unbuttoned grey sweater-vest]
Al: This is not me!
Bud: Yeah, but that's what I'm going for. See, I'm trying to get that 20-something audience - that Generation X crowd.
Tim: This'll make 'em shut off their TVs.
Bud: I wonder how Al would look in a buzz cut?
Tim: His mom doesn't look too good in one.

Jill: Hi, Wilson.
Tim: Jill?
Jill: Tim? What are you doing over there?
Tim: Uh... Wilson called me at work and said he's going out of town, so why don't I check to see if his doors are locked. I thought you were at the library.
Jill: I was. I got home a couple hours ago. I've been looking through these photo albums my mom gave me for my birthday.
Tim: Uh-huh. [Wilson whistles] Hit the deck! [whispers to Wilson] Jill's over there. Hold these.
Jill: Look. That's me at age eight playing our old family piano.
Tim: You look mighty cute playing that old piece of junk.
Jill: It wasn't a piece of junk. That was an antique. Uh-huh. Look how happy I am sitting there practicing chopsticks.
Tim: You must have been good to be able to eat Chinese food and play the piano at the same time.

Jill: Gosh, I loved that piano.
Tim: Mm-hm.
Jill: And Dad got transferred to a base in Europe and gave it away! I was so upset I cried all the way to Italy.
Wilson: Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
Tim: [mimics Wilson] Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Kind of reminds me of my first scroll saw.
Jill: Your parents gave it away?
Tim: No, no. I left it at the playground. I put a small motor in the teeter-totter. I shot this kid halfway across the parking lot. When I got back to the playground, it was gone. I always wanted to track that thing down.
Jill: Have you noticed when I tell you a story about me, we wind up talking about you?
Tim: Never noticed. [Jill walks away] Good going, Wilson. Maybe next time you'll keep your "hm-hm-hms" to yourself.
Wilson: Well, I am sorry, neighbor.
Tim: OK. Your keys. [Wilson lets go of the balloons] [balloons popping]

Randy: [answers phone] Hello? Yeah, hold on a second. Hey, Dad, it's that woman Mom hates. Julie Zwickie. She needs directions to the party.
Tim: [takes the phone] Hi, Julie. It's Tim Taylor. Hi. Where are you now? OK, quick. Get on 94, go west. When you get to 10... I know, sounds pretty goofy, doesn't it? But just listen. When you get to 10, go... 12 exits. You get off that exit and then just look for our house. You can't miss it. OK. Look forward to seeing you. OK, bye. [hangs up]
Brad: Won't that take her to Canada?
Tim: Yes, it will.

Tim: It'll be a perfect surprise. I'm going to go to the art show with your mom and act like I've got a stomach ache. Be back in a half hour. This is gonna be perfect! Honey! Ready to go to the art show?
Jill: Oh. I'm not going to the art show, I'm going to Toledo.
Tim: What?
Jill: Yeah. I found my old piano.
Tim: What are you talking about?
Jill: I got the idea when you told me that story about your scroll saw.
Tim: You hated that story!
Jill: Yes, I did hate it when I first heard it. But then I was inspired by it.
Tim: Go with the hate! Go with the hate!

Marty: We can't drink anything. We can't eat anything. There's no guest of honor. You throw a heck of a party.
Tim: It's not my fault, Marty. This whole thing was the kids' idea.
Brad: [to Randy & Mark] Hey, we're not the ones who inspired her with that dumb story about the scroll saw.

Ilene: You know, Tim, maybe you oughta just cancel the party and have it on Jill's real birthday.
Tim: She will be back!
Ilene: I was just trying to help.
Tim: Well, I'm just trying...
Ilene: Don't snap at me! I never knew you could be such a crab.
Al: We can eat the crab?

Ilene: It's 10:30. Maybe we should cut the cake.
Benny: Cake? Now you're talking. Somebody light the candles and make a wish.
Marty: I wish I didn't eat so many kung-pao crickets. Keep getting this weird urge to rub my legs together.

Tim: I'm sorry things didn't go so smoothly. I really wanted this to be a special night for you.
Jill: It was special.
Tim: Yeah, right. By the time you showed up, there were only 11 people here.
Jill: Yeah. But 11 people I really love. Well, I mean, ten plus Benny.

Jill: You know, when I walked in here tonight I saw all the things that have meaning in my life. Great friends, wonderful family, a husband who was sensitive enough to throw me a party a year before my face caved in.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, you heard that?
Jill: Yeah, I heard that.
Jill: So, honey, are you still gonna love me when I'm all droopy and saggy?
Tim: Come on! I already do. I fell in love with you and I intend to fall apart with you.