Ian: Do you like La Boheme?
Jill: Oh, I love La Boheme.
Ian: It is coming to town next week. If you'd like to see it, I'd love to take you.
Jill: Excuse me?
Ian: Oh, maybe we can have dinner first.
Jill: Um... Um, did you just ask me out on a, you know, like, a date?
Ian: Well, I... Yeah, I did.
Jill: I'm married. Oh. Well, you couldn't see that. But there was just that guy that I was just talking to...
Ian: The one who hates your family?
Jill: He's my husband.
Ian: Your husband? I thought he was your brother.

Jill: What made you think he was my brother?
Ian: Well, you know, I mean, you're going to the opera with Patty. And he's going to meet, uh, Pee Wee?
Jill: Yeah.
Ian: And, uh, you're looking forward to your mom's reunion and he's worried about getting a "lippy" from Aunt Sally. I... God, I feel like such a jerk!
Jill: No, no. I mean, if that's the way we came across, you know, like Donny and Marie, I can understand how you would've asked me out. The answer's no, by the way. I understand how you would've... You really thought he was my brother.
Ian: Look, I'm sorry.
Woman: God! You two are wonderful. If my husband sang with me that way, we'd still be together.

Mark: Shut up.
Jill: Guys, I don't want you rummaging through Wilson's stuff and bringing home all this useless junk.
Randy: Useless? There is nothing useless about a set of Ubangi nose flutes. [blows flute]
Jill: I don't know whether to say bravo or Gesundheit.

Tim: I got a question for you. Where's a nice, quiet restaurant two people can go and just talk?
Jill: I love Sorentino's.
Tim: That's a great idea. That's where I'll take Pee Wee.
Jill: Pee Wee?
Tim: If I want that radio, I'm gonna have to wine and dine that guy.
Jill: I see.

Jill: Yesterday when we were at the Y, you remember a guy that was working out right next to me?
Tim: No.
Jill: Well, he was, and, uh, he asked me out on a date.
Tim: Where are you guys going?
Jill: Tim, I'm serious.

Jill: He asked me out because he didn't realize I was married. He thought that you were my brother.
Tim: Where'd he get that idea?
Jill: I guess because of the way we were relating. We weren't connecting to each other.
Tim: This is a guy that heard us talking in the Y for five minutes? So what?
Jill: I know. But it got me thinking about the way we've been lately.
Tim: How have we been lately?
Jill: Out of tune. Cut off from each other. I mean, yesterday we didn't even kiss hello or goodbye.
Tim: You were all sweaty.

[dream sequence:]
Ian: That's why when I saw you yesterday and our duet brought down the gym, it just.. We seemed so perfect. It's just been a long time since I've, uh, been attracted to somebody.
Jill: Well, uh, you know, I'm... I'm very flattered, Ian. You know, but, unfortunately, I'm still very married.
Ian: Yeah.
Jill: Did I say "unfortunately?" I didn't mean that. What I meant was that, you know, like, under different circumstances, you know, if I didn't have a wonderful husband at home who I love and cherish and who loves and cherishes me, like a stretched-out old slipper...
Ian: You would've said yes.

Jill: I'm sorry. I'll just go back to sleep.
Tim: If you have trouble sleeping, just do what I do.
Jill: What?
Tim: Shut your eyes and think about something you want.
Jill: OK.
Tim: Something you're dying to get your hands on.

Jill: It was an unbelievable dream. I mean, from the moment this man, Ian, walked in, we couldn't take our eyes off of each other. You could feel the heat.
Patty: I'm feeling it now.
Jill: This is very embarrassing.
Patty: Not for me. Don't leave out a single detail.
Jill: We're alone. The gym is empty.
Patty: Uh-huh.
Jill: We keep saying that we're gonna leave, but nobody moves. And then it happens. We fall into each other's arms and and kiss.
Patty: Oh, wow! Oh, that is so hot.
Jill: What do you think of my dream?
Patty: I wish it was mine!

Patty: Well, what are you saying? You're considering acting on these feelings?
Jill: No. No. I'm committed to Tim. I would never.... It's just...
Patty: Yeah?
Jill: OK, so what? He says we're comfortable. What's wrong with comfortable?
Patty: A lot of couples don't even get comfortable.
Jill: Right. Right. And we both know that fireworks burn eventually out. Comfortable lasts forever.
Patty: What's wrong with that?
Jill: Everything!