Jill: How could you?
Tim: That award was very important to me.
Jill: Well, evidently it's more important than your son.
Tim: No, it's not.
Jill: This is the one thing you and Mark do together every year.
Tim: I know. I don't know what came over me, it's the medication, I think. I heard voices. One of them said, "Go.
You know, beat that record." And the other one said, "Don't forget your pants."
Jill: Well, here's a third voice for you, "You let down your son, and he's completely devastated."

Tim: This day couldn't get any worse.
Dr. Knell: Ready for your enema?
Tim: I'm having shoulder surgery. Is that really necessary?
Dr. Knell: No, but I'm trying to break Dr. Sokel's record for the most consecutive enemas in one day. I'm kidding! I forgot my chart.

Lieutenant Commander Gray: I'm looking for Mark Taylor. Lieutenant Commander Gray, number three pilot, U.S. Navy Blue Angels.
Mark: Ohh... um... I'm Mark Taylor. Hey, Mom. There's a Blue Angel at the door.
Randy: Oh, yeah, sure. And the tooth fairy's in the microwave.

Lieutenant Commander Gray: Tim called and said he was sorry he couldn't take Mark to the air show. But I thought maybe he'd like to come as our guest.
Jill: Well, what do you think about that?
Mark: This is amazing!
Jill: Well, your Dad's a pretty amazing guy.
Lieutenant Commander Gray: Yeah. We're very fond of the Tool Man. Especially when he's, uh... nowhere near our aircraft.

[dream sequence:]
Wilson: Nurse, I need a number three scalpel.
Jill: Why use a scalpel, when you can use a Binford 6100 chain saw?
Tim: Honey. I didn't know you were a nurse.
Jill: I'm not. I just love the shoes.
Tim: What are you guys operating on today?
Wilson: Well I don't know. We're not doing the surgery.
Jill: Mmm.
Tim: Well, who is?
Gary: Me, stupidhead!
[As Wilson and Jill laugh, Tim screams]