‘Insult to Injury’
Season 6, Episode 21 - Aired April 15, 1997
After Tim finds out he is about to break Bob Vila's record for the most consecutive appearances on a tool show, he injures himself on Tool Time and winds up in the hospital.
Quote from Tim
Al: You know that award that they give?
Tim: Consecutive appearances on a home renovation show. Yeah. Bob Vila's held that for years.
Al: Not anymore. Tomorrow you, Tim Taylor, become the new tool show king!
Tim: No!
Al: Yes.
Tim: Me?
Al: Yes.
Tim: Serious?
Al: Yes!
Tim: You sure?
Al: Yes!
Tim: Get out!
Al: No!
Tim: Wow, Al!
Quote from Al
Tim: But before we get to that, I have a big announcement. On tomorrow's show, I will break the record for consecutive appearances on a home remodeling show. How about that, huh? [audience cheers]
Al: Well, I thought we were going to wait till the end of the show to surprise our audience with this information. But since Tim can't wait, Heidi and I have a little Tool Time surprise for you. Klaus? [band plays music]
Tim: I love surprises.
Al: Well, Tim, we've arranged for you to go to a beautiful home in downtown Wixom, where we will be asphalting a driveway!
Tim: [grunts] Oh, I love asphalt.
Al: But wait. There's more. Heidi, come on down.
Heidi: And to lay that asphalt, you'll be riding this big, beautiful five-ton steamroller.
Audience: Ooh!
Tim: Don't toy with me.
Al: This roller is no toy. It's got a 41-horsepower diesel engine, hydrostatic transmission, and a top cruising speed of five miles an hour. And this is all for...
Heidi & Audience: [chant] Tim, Tim, Tim.
Al: That's right. This is all for Tim Taylor, the king... of... tool shows!
Quote from Tim
Dr. Knell: The X-ray shows a grade three achromio-clavicular separation.
Tim: Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I got?
Dr. Knell: Fifty, sixty years, tops. You separated your shoulder, but it can easily be corrected with surgery.
Jill: Oh, honey. Are you in a lot of pain?
Tim: Probably. I'll let you know after those big blue pills wear off.
Quote from Tim
Jill: How long does he have to be in the hospital?
Dr. Knell: We'll operate today, keep him here tomorrow, and he can go home Saturday morning.
Tim: Saturday... oh!
Jill: He's supposed to go to an air show on Sunday.
Tim: Can I go to?
Dr. Knell: If you rest up and, uh, you don't try to pick up a plane.
Quote from Tim
Dr. Knell: Okay, Tim, it'll be a minute before we put you under, but you should be feeling relaxed from the sedative now.
Tim: [slurs] I feel like a million bucks.
Man: Poor Tool Man. Damn shame he couldn't break Bob Vila's record.
Tim: Record... he can't even sing. He's got no record.
Quote from Tim
Tim: [on the phone] [imitates woman] H-H-Hi. Could you please page Dr. Knell? Tell him that Becky wants to see him in Dialysis. Yeah. I've got some sort of cold, yes. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Quote from Al
Al: Welcome back to Tool Time.
Heidi: We're on location at the Phelps home putting in an asphalt driveway.
Al: Our loop man has spread the asphalt, which is at the proper temperature for smoothing, 370 degrees. We've also ironed out the edges of...
Gary: Hi, Al. Hi, Heidi.
Heidi: Hi.
Al: Hi, Gary. This is Gary Phelps. He is the little tyke that lives here.
Gary: Where's the Tool Man?
Al: Well, as I already explained to our audience, he's in the hospital with a boo-boo.
Gary: A boo-boo? What do I look like? A three-year-old?
Quote from Tim
Al: OK, we're all ready for our final step. We'll be using this steamroller to smooth out our asphalt. You want to be careful when using...
Tim: [to the cab driver] Thank you. Thanks, thanks. [gets out of the cab] Guys! Wait, wait, wait! Hi, everybody!
Al: What are you doing?
Tim: Well, I made it! I made it! I made it! I made it! [stammers] Which means, I beat Bob Vila's record! [cheering] Um... and on this auspicious occasion I'd like to say to Mr. Bob Vila... Nanner-nanner-nanner, nanner-nanner-nanner.
Quote from Tim
Tim: It looks like it's all ready to go, Al.
Al: Tim, with your shoulder, I don't think you should drive this.
Tim: This is my record-breaking show, Al. Come on!
Al: I'm serious. I don't think you should be anywhere near this machine.
Tim: All right, well, let's ask the guy in charge, OK? Tim, what do you think we oughta do? I say go for it.
Quote from Tim
Dr. Knell: This next surgery should go very well. Now I know my way around.
Tim: Will I be able to go to the air show on Sunday?
Dr. Knell: No. I'm afraid you need to stay in the hospital. And don't worry, we're stationing our top security guard right outside the door.