Al: Tim, shouldn't you be in the hospital?
Jill: [watching TV at the hospital] Yes, he should.
Tim: This is one good-looking steamroller. I think it actually looks better in person.
Brad: [at the hospital] He wouldn't.
Mark: [at the hospital] He couldn't.
Randy: [at the hospital] He's Dad.

Jill: I hear a little boy crying. Please tell me he didn't run over the little boy.

Gary: You smooshed my car, you big stupidhead.
Tim: It's gonna be all right, kid. Look. Well...
Gary: [crying]
Tim: It's all right. Hey, I'll get you another one... a better one.
Gary: [sniffles] That was my favorite car.
Tim: Come on! Come on, hey! We're on TV. And nobody likes a crybaby, right? You know, it's situations like this that tend to make a kid stronger. I remember a slogan, "Into everyone's life some rain must fall." Right, folks? Right? Boy, that's a big shadow! Is your Dad home? [Gary nods] Is he standing right behind me? [Gary nods] He's a big man, isn't he? [Gary nods] Is he smiling? [Gary shakes his head]
Gary's Father: You know, there's an old saying. "In everyone's life, a little rain must fall." Well, I hope you got a big umbrella, buddy.
[The man picks Tim up and swings him around in the air]

Brad: Wow. Looks like Dad's putting on his own air show.

[dream sequence:]
Wilson: Well, hi-ho, good patient.
Tim: Hi, Wilson. I didn't know you were a surgeon.
Wilson: Well, I'm not. Usually I'm a volunteer down at the gift shop, but, today they're letting me cut! So, what are we working on today? Gall bladder, circumcision?
Tim: Oh, no, no. It's a shoulder... a shoulder problem. Probably could use a new brain though today.
Wilson: A brain transplant? Oh, boy! That sounds like fun!

[dream sequence:]
Tim: I was supposed to take Mark to the air show tomorrow. I really disappointed him.
Wilson: Mmm.
Tim: Thinking about myself. Selfish me. I'm always thinking about myself.
Wilson: And that is exactly who you should be thinking about. Look out for number one, I always say.
Tim: You never say that.
Wilson: I've never done brain surgery either. [laughs]
Tim: Wait a minute. This is a dream. That's what this is. Silly me. But, what am I gonna do about Mark?
Wilson: Well, I don't know, figure out something quick because by the time I'm done, odds are you're not gonna know who Mark is!
Tim: [cry of agony]
Wilson: Oh, Tim, relax. It isn't like it's brain surgery. Wait a second! It is! [maniacal laughter]

Lieutenant Commander Gray: I just thought of something. How about I pick you up at 06:00? You can ride up front in my jeep.
Mark: Ohh! You're on! I gotta call my dad at the hospital.
Jill: Speed dial six.

Tim: Thank you for putting this food on our table. And most of all, for allowing us to share this time together. Amen.
All: Amen.
Mark: I'll turn on the TV.
Randy: Turn it up loud.
Jill: Freeze! Nobody's watching any TV during dinner tonight. Sit down. We are going to spend 20 minutes just talking to each other.
Randy: Twenty consecutive minutes?
Tim: We're going to have a quiet, peaceful dinner together. With no telephone and no TV.
Brad: What about watching...
Tim: Those are the rules, effective immediately, all right?
Randy: Dad, the Bulls are playing the Pistons.
Tim: Effective immediately starting tomorrow night.
Jill: Tim, forget it.

Jill: Now, Brad, what's going on with you?
Brad: Nothing.
Jill: Randy?
Randy: Nothing.
Jill: Mark?
Mark: I could use some more spending money.
Tim: Forget about it, please.

Al: Tim! Tim, big news.
Tim: Your mom's bunions are inflamed again?
Al: Well, yes, actually, but that's not what I was going to tell you. We just got a call from the National Homebuilders Society.
Tim: I paid that fine.
Al: No, that's not why they want to talk to you.