Tim: Brad, you don't need to take apart the flathead. We're not putting this old motor in the new hot rod.
Brad: Dad, this engine's in a lot better condition than we thought.
Tim: Doesn't matter. I wasn't gonna use it anyway.
Brad: What kind of engine are we going with?
Tim: I haven't decided yet.
Brad: You haven't decided for five months.
Tim: Well, I'm gonna think about it. Putting a motor in a hot rod is the most important decision a man can make.
Brad: I thought marriage was the most important.
Tim: Well, marriage, engine in a hot rod - they'll be debating that till the end of time.

Brad: Well, I still think we oughta use this flathead.
Tim: Brad, look, this is a serious hot rod. It's gonna need some serious power, buddy.
Brad: [scoffs] Power isn't everything.
Tim: Bite your tongue, Brad.
Brad: Dad, this whole car is going to be retro. I mean, we could still soup up this flathead and get plenty of power.
Tim: Flathead? We can't get the same horsepower out if it as we can get out of a big-block - a 427, 454.

Brad: Would you stop bugging me, Dad? I mean, it's my hair.
Tim: Yeah, but your hair lives in my house.
Brad: Why do we have to go through this every time I get a haircut?
Tim: We wouldn't have to if you'd get a decent haircut. Just get something more traditional, okay?
Brad: Like yours?
Tim: Yeah. What's wrong with my hair?
Brad: You know, I hate to tell you this, Dad, but that look went out with those machines that played those round black things on them that spun.
Tim: Record player.
Brad: Ah.
Mark: Record player? We were just reading about that in our history class.

Jill: Hi. How did the audition go? Should I call you Randy or Romeo?
Randy: Well, until they make up their mind, you can call me "Randy-o."
Jill: What does that mean?
Randy: Well, they narrowed it down to three guys, and the final auditions are Tuesday.
Jill: Cool! That is so great! You're in the final three!
Randy: Out of the original four.

Brad: Hey, everybody.
Randy: I think I just found my Juliet.
Jill: Brad, your hair is so, um...
Brad: Cool. Isn't it cool? You know, I was gonna go with my usual quarter of an inch, but at the last second, I decided to go for something just a bit different.
Randy: And you got it.
Brad: You know, Mom, I was a little nervous at first, but I think this look's really working for me.
Jill: Yeah, yeah. Well, it's interesting. It's short, it's long. It's got a tail. It's interesting.
Brad: You don't like it, do you?
Jill: No, no, I didn't say that. You know, it just takes time to get used to. I'm getting used to it. I'm sure eventually that I'll like it. [chuckles] I'm there. I like it.
Brad: All right.
Jill: Who wouldn't like it?

Tim: What is this thing?
Brad: It's a ponytail.
Tim: Why did you do that to yourself?
Brad: Well, I went to the barber shop, I saw the picture and I thought it looked cool.
Tim: You look like an idiot.
Jill: Tim, just give it some time. You're gonna get used to it.
Tim: I don't want to get used to it.
Jill: Yes, you do.
Tim: No, I don't. Wait. I don't understand. None of your other friends have haircuts like this.
Brad: I mean, you're the one who's always telling me not to be like my friends. I mean, if all my friends jumped in a lake, would you want me to?
Tim: With hair like this, I'd ask you to join in.

Tim: I'm not taking you to the hot rod shop looking like that.
Brad: Just because of my hair?
Tim: You got it.
Jill: Tim, come on. You promised you'd take him.
Brad: No, no, no. You know what, Mom? I don't want to go anymore. I mean, I don't give a crap about his hot rod or his stupid engine.
Tim: Don't talk to me like that.
Brad: Don't worry, I won't be talking to you.
Tim: Well, I won't talk to you, either.
Brad: Fine.
Tim: Double fine.
Both: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!

Jill: OK, OK. One of my best qualities as an actress is I can take direction. So, I'm just gonna take this down a notch, and let's do it again.
Randy: Mom, can I remind you I'm the one trying out for the play?
Jill: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Come on, come on!
Randy: "I doubt it not, and all these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our times to come."
Jill: "O God! I have an ill-divining soul! Methinks I see thee, now thou art below, as one dead..."
Tim: You know, me thinketh she stinketh.

Brad: So you're measuring for the new engine? Obviously, you're not listening to me.
Tim: I thought you didn't care about the hot rod, Brad.
Brad: [scoffs] I don't. If you want to mess it up by sticking in the wrong engine, that's your business. You're not going to have any help from me anyway.
Tim: I don't need your help, Brad.
Brad: Fine.
Tim: Well, fine.
Brad: Double fine!
Tim: Fine, fine, fine! [to Mark] Did I mention that you're my favorite son?

Tim: Speaking of combustion... Hold on a second. Any of you guys out there blow up at one of your sons 'cause he came home with a bad haircut?
Kendall: Oh, yeah.
Tim: Yeah? You?
Kendall: Yeah.
Tim: You feel like talking about it?
Kendall: Sure.
Tim: Come on! Give him a Tool Time welcome! Get the guy down here!
Al: We're supposed to be talking about the environment.
Tim: Yeah, this is called "hair" pollution.
[Tim hides Al away behind a closing wall panel]
Al: Tim. Tim! Tim! Tim!
Tim: My kid destroyed the environment of my house with a psycho Barbie haircut.