‘Engine and a Haircut, Two Fights’
Season 5, Episode 21 - Aired March 12, 1996
Tim gets into a fight with Brad over his new haircut. Meanwhile, Jill helps Randy rehearse for his Romeo and Juliet audition.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Tim, my parents were so strict that none of us ever had a chance to express ourselves. As soon as I left the house, I went wild.
Tim: Oh, yeah, yeah. Your famous bra-less years. Whoa!
Jill: You know I did worse stuff.
Tim: It's not the same with boys. We need to be strict with them. If my mother hadn't been tough with me, I would have gotten in a lot of trouble.
Jill: You did get in a lot of trouble.
Tim: Yes, but even though I was trouble, I had a neat and attractive haircut.
Quote from Randy
Randy: "Farewell, farewell! One kiss, and I'll descend."
Jill: "Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend! I must hear from thee every day in the hour, for in a minute there are many days." Ohh!
Randy: Mom, do you think your Juliet might be a bit over the top?
Jill: Look, acting is all about passion! You have to convey the passion to the back row of the theater!
Randy: Well, with acting like that, you don't have to worry about the back row. The whole theater'll be empty.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Ice-cold pop for my favorite son.
Mark: I'm your favorite son?
Tim: Well, you're my last hope. One son looks like a sumo wrestler. And the other one's in there putting moves on his mother.
Mark: Dad, I hope you never get mad at me like you did at Brad.
Tim: I won't have to get mad at you like I got at Brad. You'll never come home with a haircut that looks like the back of Mr. Ed.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome back to Green Week on Tool Time. Now we're going to show you how to make your car environmentally friendly.
Al: First let's talk about how we can reduce those foul fumes that pollute the air.
Tim: You might help out by knocking off those breakfast burritos.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Is Brad home?
Jill: He's up in his room. You're not gonna yell at him again, are you?
Tim: No. Calm, rational discussion.
Jill: What are you gonna say?
Tim: First off, I need him to help build the hot rod. It's our project. Second of all, I don't want him running off with a cult, shaving his head, and calling himself Baba-Raba-Lama-Ding-Dong-Brad.
Quote from Tim
Brad: Didn't you ever get a haircut your parents didn't like?
Tim: [groans as he sits on a figurine] I wanted to, but they wouldn't let me. At your age, I would've killed to look like Ringo.
Brad: Who?
Tim: Ringo. Fab Four. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." [off Brad's look] Let's move on.
Quote from Brad
Tim: It's kind of chilly outside. I suggest you wear a hat, son.
Brad: Sorry, Dad, I won't wear the hat. But I would be willing to stop by the barber shop.
Tim: You would?
Brad: Yeah. We can get you that Ringo cut you've always wanted. There's just one problem. We'd have to find a barber old enough to remember who that guy is.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome to Green Week here on Tool Time.
Al: That's right. We're going to be demonstrating how you can use recycled material to build a beautiful home like this.
Tim: The walls in this home are made out of recycled paper. The studs from recycled old cars. Studs from old cars. That clears up the mystery. I used to be an old car.
Al: All right. Well, we're gonna show you how you can use old tires and aluminum cans to build walls.
Tim: It's very simple, actually. You stack your tires like so. To stabilize them, put a little dirt in there... like that.
Al: Making sure to put aluminum cans in the holes before you put the dirt in.
Tim: Use light beer cans, and your wall's less filling.
Al: You know, our friends in the animal kingdom have been using recycled materials to build their homes since the beginning of time.
Tim: How many friends do you have in the animal kingdom? "Oh, look, the hippo's coming over, bringing that casserole I like." "Oh, look. I'll play charades with the cheetah."
Al: You know, the African hornbill builds his own nest out of his own dung.
Tim: That's an interesting piece of news, isn't it? It means, if you go to his house, you can actually say this without him getting mad: "Boy! This house smells just like..."
Al: Tim.
Quote from Wilson
Jill: There is no way that Wilson's Juliet is better than mine! You know, the Hockaday Herald said that my Juliet was so moving that they didn't even need Romeo.
Wilson: Ah, well, my school newspaper said that I was an astonishing Juliet. A vision of budding femininity.
Jill: Oh!
Randy: Girls? My audition's tomorrow. Who's gonna help me?
Jill: I will! I will! "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
Wilson: "Deny thy father and refuse thy name!"
Jill: "Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love..."
Wilson: "And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
Jill: "What's in a name?" [Randy goes inside]
Both: "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
Jill: So, Romeo. Yo, Romeo!
Quote from Al
Al: All right, we're gonna finish off our wall with adobe, which is a mixture of sand, straw and mud. Just trowel her on.
Al: You can use a trowel or you can use your bare hands.
[title: "What Al doesn't know is that Tim has added dung to the adobe."]
Al: Ah! There's nothing like the feel of fresh adobe underneath your fingernails.
[title: "What Tim doesn't know is that Al replaced the dung with real adobe."]
Tim: Pile it on, Al.
Al: I might add that, for you ladies at home, adobe makes a wonderful mud pack for the face.
Tim: Why don't you show them how to do that, Al?
Al: I'd love to, Tim. [smears adobe on Tim's face]