Tim: Hey. Guess what happened today on Tool Time.
Brad: Lemme guess. The firemen let you put out your own fire.
Tim: Yeah, they did. [chuckles] But before that we had a special guest on the show - Papa Mia the pizza guy.
Randy: Oh, yeah, Papa Mia Pizza. "If we're not there in 30 minutes..."
Tim & Randy: "You shoulda given us better directions."

Tim: Anyway, Papa Mia loved my hot rod so much he made me quite a nice offer.
Brad: Well... you didn't take it, did you?
Jill: Oh, don't be silly. Your father put his heart and soul into that car. You can't put a price on your soul.
Tim: Yeah, you can.
Jill: You didn't sell the hot rod?
Tim: Yeah!

Tim: I didn't think he'd take it like this.
Jill: Well, how would you feel if you put three years into something with your father and he sold it from under you?
Tim: Should I go try to get it back?
Jill: I think that you should do what you think is right.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, I hate it when you say that.

Tim: [on the phone] Hello, Information. I'd like the number for Papa Mia's Pizza. No, no. Not the delivery, their corporate offices. Uh-huh? Yes, I understand. Mushroom and artichoke? Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Yeah? Oh, it's to die for, right? Yeah, that's great. Well, I don't really have... Uh-huh. I know, the breadsticks... Ooh, boy. You know what? I'm just gonna go let my fingers do the walking. Uh-huh. I've never had that salad with that combination. OK. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up]

Jill: Oh, these are darling.
Randy: Mom, "darling" will get my butt kicked at school.
Jill: Don't put 'em down till you've tried them on.
Randy: Do you think we have enough?
Jill: We have enough pants, but now we have to get shirts to go with them.
Randy: Shirts? You never said anything about shirts.
Jill: Well, honey, if you don't get shirts to go with the pants, then you don't have an outfit.
Randy: Mom, guys do not wear outfits. I mean, why don't you just put me in a dress?

Jill: Randy.
Randy: Mom!
Jill: Oh, please. Like I haven't seen it before. Come on out here. I want to look at these. Well, length looks OK. How's the crotch?
Randy: Could you say "crotch" a little louder? I don't think everybody heard you.
Jill: Would you haul this up around so I can see the waist? Let me see how it fits.
Randy: Do you have to jiggle? What if someone I know sees me?
Jill: Please, nobody is looking at you.

Randy: So, Beth, what are you doing here?
Beth: Shopping for clothes.
Randy: Shopping for clothes. Good thing to do in a clothing store. So how did you do on that biology test today? I missed an easy one on vertebrae. That is such a funny word - "vertebrae." But then again, so is "protoplasm." Oh, boy.
Beth: So... do you shop in this store a lot?
Randy: Well, yeah... But not with my mom. We just happened to be in here. I was looking for pants and...
Jill: Yeah, I was over at the Cheese Chalet buying a Gouda log. I never shop for Randy anymore. He's obviously old enough to buy his own stuff. What do you think about this for me?
Sales clerk: Ma'am? Is this the kind of underwear you wanted for your little boy?

Jill: Oh, please. It was not that embarrassing.
Randy: Yes, it was, Mom. Now tomorrow everyone at school's gonna come up to me and try and jiggle my pants.
Jill: Honey, it is not the end of the world. Everybody has something embarrassing happen to them sometime. When I was your age, I was in the school lunchroom with a whole bunch of boys and somebody told a stupid joke, and I laughed so hard chocolate milk came right out of my nose. Thought I was going to die.
Randy: Then did your mom run in and show everybody your bra?
Jill: Well, no.
Randy: Try me again when you have a story that involves underwear.

Tim: How was shopping? What did you get?
Randy: Humiliated.
Tim: What happened?
Jill: Oh, he thinks I embarrassed him at the mall.
Tim: What did you do this time? Give him a bath in the fountain?

Bud: Well, here's Mr. O'Brien's collection.
Brad: Dad, check out...
Tim: Don't touch anything! Hey, Brad. Check this out. A Bentley.
Bud: So, what do you think?
Tim: I think I've died and gone to heaven.
Bud: If this were heaven I wouldn't be making $4.35 an hour.