Joe: Hey, what are you doin'?
Tim: Taking my hot rod apart.
Joe: Didn't you just put this thing together? Or am I nuts?
Tim: Bingo on both counts. I'm taking it apart piece by piece to send it to my paint guy - Fred Axleby. Should be all ready to go in two months.
Joe: Two months? I got a paint guy who'll spray the whole thing for you in one hour. You don't even have to get out of the car.
Tim: In one hour? Will he develop my film?

Marie: That is beautiful!
Jill: I don't know. It is really expensive. Oh, God! Even my butt looks good.

Marie: Tim, I got to talk to you, the photo lab called. They said you didn't bring in the picture yet.
Tim: Picture?
Marie: The picture of Jill you were supposed to bring in three weeks ago.
Tim: Picture?
Marie: The one we're gonna blow up and have everyone sign at the dinner.
Tim: The picture.
Marie: You gotta get it to the photo lab by six if we're gonna have it on Saturday night.
Tim: No problem.
Marie: All right. Well, you know, it's 5:30 now.
Tim: [grunts] Big problem. Huge problem. I know.

Jill: I can't believe the dress isn't here yet. We have to be there in 25 minutes. Why did I ever get involved with Joe's dress guy? Why?
Tim: Because you're frugal.
Jill: [sighs] You should never have let me return that dress.
Tim: I tried to talk you into buying the dress. What are you talking about?
Jill: Don't argue with me now, please, Tim.
Tim: You know, we've got to get out of here. Jill, come on. You look great.
Jill: I'm wearing a bathrobe!
Tim: Put on some slippers. Let's go.

Tim: Why don't you wear that slinky blue dress that's low-cut...
Jill: I don't have a blue dress.
Tim: Then who was that? [grunts] Oh, I remember. Oh, ho-ho!

Al: I got a big evening planned for us tonight.
Brad: Can we go see Blood-Sucking Vampires From Mars?
Tim: No, you're not seeing that movie.
Randy: Why not?
Tim: I wanna see that as a family.

Jill: I can't believe I had to wear this dress. Everybody's seen it. I've worn it a thousand times. I've taken it in, out, up, down...
Joe: Jill, I'm really sorry about this. But you'll be happy to know that, as of this minute, I'm getting a new dress guy.
Jill: Joe, don't take this the wrong way, but... I have to kill you.
Tim: Honey, honey. The parking-lot attendant loved this dress. He said his mom's got one like it.
Jill: Marie, come with me. I gotta go fix my face.
Tim: Good idea. Not that... There's nothing wrong with... I didn't... There's no reason...

Tim: Honey, honey. Excuse me. You don't wanna go in there.
Jill: Why not?
Tim: You're the guest of honor. We gotta make a big hit. Let's go in the back way.
Marie: No, no, no. There is no back way.
Tim: There is no back way. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let's go through the basement, get in the heating ducts, crawl up, at the right time, pop through a vent, "Hi. I'm Jill."
Jill: What?!
Tim: Trust me. I have a TV show. In front of an audience, it'll be huge!

Tim: Well, honey... all in all, it was a pretty good evening, wasn't it? [Jill is silent] It was a great speech. Ah, that roast beef was good, wasn't it? Who would've thought of serving potatoes with the roast beef? What was that sauce they had, special sauce they had...?
Jill: Gravy.
Tim: Gravy. But it was beef gravy, and they cooked it, it was spiced, it was so...
Jill: Shut up, Tim.
Tim: Oh.

Jill: How could you blow up my driver's license picture? How could you do that?
Tim: Well, it was better-looking than your passport photo.
Jill: Were there only two choices here? Tim, there's tons of pictures of me in this house.
Tim: Well, I didn't have time.
Jill: Why not?
Tim: Oh. 'cause Marie sprang this on me at the last minute.
Jill: The last minute?
Tim: The very last minute. And if she'd given me some time, I'd have picked out a perfect picture.
Jill: Oh. Oh. So you're just saying this was all Marie's fault.
Tim: Well, I wouldn't want to point the finger at her. In fact, I wouldn't even mention it to her.