Tim: OK, now, on to the shoes. Press number five.
Jill: All right. ["March" from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite plays] Tim, I want you now.
Tim: Hold your horses, little filly. Now the safety precautions. This is very important. You'll notice I've done the whole theme in pink for you, and a lovely matte black for me. This is very important. Don't ever try to put your pink things in my matte-black zones.
Jill: Why not?
Tim: Try to put this pink hanger onto my matte-black zone.
Jill: OK. [siren wails]
Tim's computerized voice: Step away from the closet. Keep your hands in plain sight. You have the right to remain silent. Any clothes you touch will be used against you in a court of law.

Jill: Are you OK?
Tim: You got so much stuff crammed in that closet, you're suffocating my shirts.
Jill: Oh, please.
Tim: Come on, buddy. Don't die now. Don't die, don't die. Clear! Clear! There you go. You got so much to live for, you're perma-press. Come on, buddy.
Jill: Is it having an out-of-closet experience?

Tim: Belts, belts, belts. Stupid belts. Do you need four red belts?
Jill: Oh, listen to you. These are not red.
Tim: These?
Jill: This is scarlet, crimson, ruby, vermilion. What I need is a red belt.

Brad: Mom and Dad are gonna bust me.
Randy: You should've thought of that before you slugged Mickey Walker.
Brad: He totally asked for it.
Randy: You mean he said, "Brad, my nose is too pointy. Can you flatten it for me?"

Brad: I'd give anything not to let Mom and Dad see this note.
Randy: Would you give your Barry Sanders autographed football?
Brad: Forget it.
Randy: I have a plan.
Brad: Yeah? What plan?
Randy: Do I get the ball?
Brad: No. But I won't beat you up if you help me.
Randy: Works for me. Now, you won't get into any trouble... if Mom and Dad think they're signing... a field-trip release form.
Brad: How do we do it?
Randy: Well, it's easy. You take the release form, put it on top of the note, and tape it.

Jill: Hi, boys. How was school?
Randy: Great.
Brad: Nothing happened.

Jill: Tim, what are you doing?
Tim: I was gonna reorganize the closet.
Jill: No. With a sledgehammer? I don't think so.
Tim: Come on, come on. Give it back to me. Let go of this.
Jill: No.
Tim: Before you organize, you gotta demolish.
Jill: After you demolish, you must call someone to fix it.

Brad: I can't ask them now, they're arguing.
Randy: Are you kidding? This is the perfect time. They won't even notice. How do you think I got that raise on my allowance?

Tim: Listen to me, please. For a minute. All right. There's a lot of wasted space behind this closet. I say we blow out the wall, take the linen closet wall out, put all the linens in the bathroom, you got more room in there anyway, put a few wires, lights... Boom. We've got a walk-in closet.
Jill: No, we don't have a linen closet and we have a hole in the side of the house.
Tim: I gave you a chance to get rid of some stuff. Now it is time to swing some steel.

Jill: Hey! I got rid of some stuff. I packed a whole box over there.
Tim: Oh, really? The whole box right over here?
Jill: Well, you don't have to look.
Tim: This whole box? Hello! Hello! Hello! Look, some stretch pants and a shoe. Nice try.
Jill: I'm doing this in stages. Besides, I know the minute that I throw away this shoe I'm gonna find its mate.
Tim: I think I saw it on the freeway this morning. You're a pack rat, honey.
Jill: I am not. My mother always said, "Waste not, want not." Good clothes never go out of style.
Tim: I'm pretty sure she wasn't referring to this!
Jill: [laughs] That's from my fat collection.
Tim: You could fit Europe in these things.