Tim: This is stuff for your first day at school. A three-ring binder with your college sweetheart on it. [Jill laughs] Stop laughing, otherwise I won't give you a Tim Taylor "More Power" pencil sharpener.
Jill: Ooh.
Tim: Try it out.
Jill: Let me see this. [Jill sharpens a pencil down to a nub]
Tim: And my best piece... your remote-control lunchbox. Press this.
[After Jill presses a button, the top of the red toolbox which reads "School Time" flips open, and an apple pops out which Jill catches]

Mark: Dad, the hot rod looks really great.
Tim: Yeah, thanks. Except for one thing. I was staring it a little while yesterday.
Mark: A little while?
Tim: Eight hours. All right.

Tim: Hi, hon.
Jill: [muttering to herself] ...beyond belief!
Tim: Well, hi! Good day at work?
Jill: Tim. I feel like I'm about to explode.
Tim: Don't do it in here. We just waxed.

Tim: Well, tell me what happened. Is business bad there? Did they lay everybody off?
Jill: Oh, no, no. Just me. They didn't lay off Becky.
Tim: The pretty one?
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, the pretty one. The one with the Harvard degree and the pair of Ph. double Ds.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, bright girl. Yeah.

Tim: Great news. Deke thinks he knows a guy that knows a guy that could get my hood ornament.
Jill: Yay, Deke.
Tim: Come on! Deke's a great guy. He's got connections everywhere.
Jill: Maybe he knows a guy who knows a guy who could find me a job.
Tim: Well, I think we shouldn't bother him because right now he's looking for a hood ornament for me.

Marie: So, how you holding up?
Jill: I'm OK, I guess. I don't know. You ever wake up in the morning and feel like you just don't have a clue?
Marie: Every day. Wait. That's not normal?

Tim: How much is this gonna cost?
Jill: How much did the hot rod cost?
Tim: How mu... Cost is not the issue here.
Jill: Tim, this is something that I want to do.
Tim: Well, why psychology? I thought you liked journalism. Don't you like being a researcher?
Jill: Well, I did. But now I want to move in a new direction. I feel like I'm going through a major life change.
Tim: The facial hair thing?
Jill: No, Tim.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, thank goodness for that.

Tim: Welcome to drywall week here on Tool Time I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you all know my assistant, Plump Al Stiltskin.
Al: Thank you. Thank you. I'm wearing these stilts to show you a handy way to put up drywall ceiling panels.
Tim: After that, Al's gonna juggle and bounce a big rubber ball on his nose. [hums circus music]
Al: Well, we'll be working with a ten-foot ceiling today so I have my stilts set to 36 inches. They're adjustable all the way to 48 inches.
Tim: The stilts or your belt?

Tim: Hey, Randy.
Randy: Hey, Dad.
Tim: Great day today.
Randy: Good Tool Time?
Tim: Through the roof.

Jill: Tim, why did you give me these flowers? Was it so that I wouldn't be mad at you anymore?
Tim: Yes.
Jill: If you'd just given me the flowers to show me that you supported my idea of going back to school, I would have been so happy about that.
Tim: Isn't that amazing? That's exactly why I bought them. That's why I love our relationship. We know what each other's thinking.
Jill: Then you know what I'm thinking right now?
Tim: I think you're thinking that I wasted... $27.95.