Luke: You know the lights are on in your Jeep?
Lorelai: Oh yeah, the porch light's out and it was dark so I left the Jeep on for the light. Could you lift, please?
Luke: But the battery's going to die.
Lorelai: Oh, no, I timed it. It takes 12 hours for the battery to wear out. I go to work at eight o'clock, giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge. Not here either. Down, please.

Luke: Why don't you just change the porch light?
Lorelai: Have you seen how dirty it is up there? With those creepy moths that fly in your face, and you could swallow one, and end up with some weird hand-to-mouth-to-moth disease.
Luke: There's no such thing.
Lorelai: Oh, no? Did you see Mothman Prophecies?
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: Oh, well, okay then. Did you see the sequel?
Luke: There's a sequel?
Lorelai: Yes. It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere gets a life threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light.
Luke: There was no sequel.
Lorelai: Well, it's still really gross up there.

Rory: It's just a dream, Paris.
Paris: You made veal parmigiana, and it felt very real.
Rory: I don't make veal parmigiana. I don't make anything, and I don't want the religion beat. I want features, you know that.
Paris: You say you want features.
Rory: And I mean it.
Paris: Dreams tell you things. It's our subconscious talking to us. Warning us, telling us about things that are happening.
Rory: Paris.
Paris: My dream was telling me that you are stabbing me in the back with your veal parmigiana.
Rory: Well, I must have really overcooked it then.
Paris: Let me smell your hands.
Rory: Oh, go away!
Paris: You used a lot of garlic.
Rory: Bye.

Rory: [on the phone] I'm behind at the paper. Way, way behind at the paper. Everyone else had these amazing, productive summers. Internships at hometown papers, getting articles reprinted in the New York Times, and me, the person who's been talking about being a journalist her entire life, what did I do? I wasted two whole months running away to Europe with Grandma.
Lorelai: Whoa, slow down. First of all, Europe... waste? You had major invaluable experiences, the architecture, the food, seeing my mother without her makeup on in the morning.

Lorelai: [on the phone] You've done it before. You were behind at Chilton, you remember? And then you hit a deer, and everything was fine.
Rory: The two incidents were in no way connected.
Lorelai: But you caught up, right?
Rory: That was high school. This is college, a very big, important college.
Lorelai: Well, okay, different school, but same Rory. You're great at the catch up thing, you're the "catch up girl". Not to be confused with "ketchup girl", cause that's not you at all. You were strictly a mustard and relish girl from day one. There's a little condiment humor for you.

Sookie: This is a restaurant, not a coffee shop.
Lorelai: Come on, Sookie, this is fun! We're the cool place where Norman Mailer likes to hang. It'll give us street cred, you'll see.
Sookie: Fine.
Waiter: We need some more iced tea.
Sookie: Gee, I wonder who that's for?

Doyle: I've spent two years kissing Logan's butt.
Rory: Don't you mean ass?
Doyle: Whatever. Guess it's time to pucker up again. Man, I hate those kind of guys.
Rory: What kind of guys?
Doyle: Those privileged, white males.
Rory: Doyle, you're a privileged white male.
Doyle: Well, he's more privileged. And way more whiter. Why am I talking to you? Meg, why am I talking to Gilmore?

Sookie: So, how are we doing over here?
Norman Mailer: We're fine.
Sookie: Hey, you know what goes great with iced tea? Pork tenderloin!
Josh Davies: Maybe later, thanks.
Sookie: We have a great menu here. I'm holding a couple as we speak.
Norman Mailer: We're fine, thank you.
Sookie: Okay. Hey, I don't know if the waiter told you, but today is Wednesday. And on Wednesday at the Dragonfly, we play a little something I like to call "Stump the chef"! Which is me. And the way we play is that you name any dish in the world and I will make it for you, and if I don't know what it is, then you get your lunch completely free!
Norman Mailer: What the devil is she talking about?
Josh Davies: Actually, you know what, could we have some lemon for the iced tea?
Sookie: Lemon? Oh, sure. One plate of lemon coming up. If you change your mind, I'll be in the kitchen. You know, with the food.

Paris: Did you know that priests have a fabulous sense of humor?
Rory: Just stay one lightning bolt's length away from me at all times, please.

Sookie: I mean, lunch is my thing. Why do we have to get rid of one of my things? Why can't we get rid of one of Michel's things?
Michel: What things? I stand behind a desk and answer a phone. What of mine can you possibly get rid of?
Sookie: The desk! Put the phone on the wall!
Michel: What?
Sookie: And write on your shoe, because he goes through a lot of paper.