Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] "Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you?" This chick sounds good. "Smelly cat"- Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.

Phoebe: Thank you. Now, if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Rachel: Pheebs, I want to ask you something. Since I'm moving out, and you're so beautiful, how about I move in with you?
Phoebe: Well, that would be great, but then what do we do about Denise?
Monica: Who's Denise?
Phoebe: My roommate.
Rachel: You have a roommate?
Phoebe: Yes, Denise. Denise.
Joey: What is with the secrecy, Phoebe? And what about this Denise? Is she cute?
Chandler: Pheebs, I don't understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know about?
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time. Denise!

Gunther: So I understand you're looking for a place?
Rachel: No. No, I'm staying put.
Gunther: Oh. I was going to offer you my apartment.
Rachel: Why? Where you going?
Gunther: I don't know.