TV Quotes

Rachel: Who's this from?
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Rachel: Oh, my God! He remembered!
Phoebe: Remembered what?
Rachel: lt was, like, months ago. We were walking by this antique store and I saw this pin in the window. And I told him it was just like one my grandma had when I was a little girl. I can't believe he remembered!
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?
Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty! This must've cost him a fortune.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: Crystal duck.
Rachel: No, no, no. The um, the "love" part?
Chandler: Fl-[indistinguishable speech]
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no.
Joey: That's good. Just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.

Joey: It's a fertility study.
Monica: Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Joey: Come on, you guys, it's not that big a deal. I just go down there every other day and make my contribution to the project. But at the end of two weeks, I get $700!
Phoebe: Wow. You're gonna be making money hand over fist.

Ross: So without retesting their results in the laboratory, the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis. Were there any questions at this point? Yes?
Student: What's happening to your accent?
Ross: [in a British accent] Come again? What's this nonsense? [laughs] All right. I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous, and the accent just came out. I'm sorry. So if we could just get back to the lecture. Um, were there any questions? About paleontology? All right, look, I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you'd just give me another chance to make a good impression-
Rachel: Ross. Are you crazy? I am still your wife? What, were you just never gonna tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? Ugh, I could just kill you!
Ross: [in a British accent] Well, 'ello, Rachel!

Ross: Danger! Danger!
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You're a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared.
Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.