Niles: Ooh, watching the sport of kings I see. Which horse did you wager on?
Martin: Gerald's Dream, number eight.
Niles: Goodness, he seems to be taking a serene, almost Buddhist approach to the race.

Frasier: What's all this?
Daphne: Well, your brother just gave me two hundred dollars, and now he's going to roll me over.
Frasier: Niles?
Niles: Communications breakdown.

Niles: Yes, yes, but what on Earth do you say to her when she wants to discuss her work?
Frasier: Well, I just simply skirt the issue.
Niles: Of course. "Honey I think your books are just - Oh, look! The waiter's on fire!"

Frasier: Niles, will you please stop giggling? It's very distracting.
Niles: I can't help it. Have you read this?
Frasier: I'm trying to recommend the book. Reading it doesn't help.

Frasier: Okay, here, how's this: Many great volumes have been written about human behavior. And I can honestly say, without fear of contradiction, that this book can stand on the shelf next to any of them. No good, is it?

Frasier: Niles, you are giving a woman money to obtain physical affection. We are talking the world's oldest profession. Granted, this is sort of the Walt Disney version, but still. It's wrong, and I insist you stop it.

Frasier: Our two situations are completely different.
Niles: Oh, really? How so?
Frasier: Well, for one thing, you've been misleading a woman for your own selfish gain.
Niles: And so are you!
Frasier: Well, I'm not finished. She was also trusting you to tell the truth.
Niles: Oh, and the difference would be?
Frasier: Your woman is English.
Niles: Frasier, you've lost this one.
Frasier: I know. I know. Just going to take a little while to climb down off of this particular high horse.

Daphne: Our stock. Did it go up a bit?
Niles: No, it went up a lot. Thanks to a takeover bid, it gained forty percent overnight. Wendell advised selling, so, voila, your original five hundred investment plus two hundred profit.
Daphne: Two hundred? Oh, Dr. Crane, I could kiss you! [She kisses Niles on the cheek]
Martin: Oh, that's a nice little dividend.
Niles: I'll say.

Niles: I think you know what you have to do.
Frasier: Yes. I have to tell her I can't write the foreword. Oh, Niles, and I have to say goodbye to the chance of ever sleeping with absolute perfection. Oh where, oh where, will I ever have the chance again to gaze upon such extraordinarily proud and supple breasts?
Niles: Not to worry, brother, that's the manager's special at Farmer Jack's Chicken, Chicken, Chicken.

Dr. Honey Snow: My publisher is giving me a dinner tonight at seven at Bianchi's. Would you come as my guest?
Frasier: I'd love to
Dr. Honey Snow: Well that's great.
Frasier: Well it was nice meeting you, Dr. Snow.
Dr. Honey Snow: Oh, please, it's Honey.
Frasier: It certainly is.