Roz: Oh, Frasier, they're beautiful. Earrings. Thank you. Thank you.
Frasier: You deserve them. Working side by side for three years, one can't help but become close friends. And they're blue. To match your ... lips when they're cold.

Daphne: I'm sorry, you must think I'm a terrible daughter.
Frasier: No, not at all. I think you're a terrible liar, Daphne, but a perfectly run-of-the-mill daughter.

Frasier: But I was comfortable with Dave.
Roz: Look, Dr. Crane, I know you've been thrown a curve, but everything's gonna be fine.
Frasier: But I did a mock show with Dave. I did mock-call-in's, mock commercials, mock news bulletins.
Roz: Look, I got a bulletin for you: Dave's out, I'm in, and stop saying "mock."

Roz: Dr. Crane, Dave dumped you.
Frasier: [whiny] Why? We were here until 2 A.M. this morning, as I explained to Dave in meticulous detail my philosophy of optimal mental health.
Roz: It's a mystery, all right. Okay, look, I'm going to screen a few calls, and-
Frasier: No. No, no, as I explained to Dave before, there will be no call-screening. You see, I want my show to be fresh and spontaneous, and call screening squelches all of that.
Roz: And the mystery of Dave's departure deepens.

Frasier: Let's see who's on line one. Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. [reading] "You're on the couch."
Angela: "No, I'm not."
Frasier: Well, I meant on the metaphorical couch.
Angela: "I'm in a beanbag chair, O.K.?"
Frasier: Uh, moving on then. Um, how can I help you?
Angela: "It's about my husband. Look, I-I just can't do this, it's really too embarrassing for me."
Frasier: No, no, please, please, dear friend, you must - I'm really here to help you. Please, go ahead.
Angela: "I've tried, and I've tried, and I just don't know what to do about this."
Frasier: Well, you know, often in these cases, it helps if you restate your problem. But this time, try boiling it down to one succinct sentence. Now, how would you do that?
Angela: "My husband is dead!"
Frasier: Well, perhaps we should go back to the wordy version.

Roz: Okay, you got to make the caller get to the point, and then for God's sake, so should you.
Frasier: Duly noted.
Roz: Okay. Number twenty-four... You know what, you're starting to glaze. We can go through the rest of this tomorrow.

Martin: Niles, are you drunk?
Niles: Don't be ridiculous. Seeing the three of us back together again in the same room, who needs alcohol for that?
Martin: I do.
Frasier: I do.

Frasier: You filthy liar, you said he'd changed.
Niles: Well, it got you here, didn't it? I've been dealing with him all by myself ever since Mom died. Now it's your turn, so welcome home, prodigal son.
Martin: You guys want some pork rinds?
Niles: And that's as close as you're going to get to a fatted calf.

Martin: How was your flight?
Frasier: Oh, actually, I drove.
Martin: You take the I-90?
Frasier: Uh, 80.
Martin: Should have taken 90, it would have got you here faster.
Frasier: Darn.

Frasier: Dad, how did you know?
Martin: Well, I heard that woman who called in.
Frasier: You listened to my show?
Martin: Well, I sort of... I feel asleep during the Mariners' game. But when I woke up, you were on.
Frasier: And you didn't turn me off.
Martin: I did not. I listened to you for ten minutes before I finally dozed off again.
Frasier: Faint praise, and yet it thunders in my ears!