Frasier: Oh, here, the phone.
Niles: Oh, excellent, excellent, excellent. Hop on, Baby, hop on.
Frasier: No, Niles, just call someone for help.
Niles: And whom do you suggest we call, a Fez rental?

[Door buzzes, Niles wails]
Stephanie: What was that?
Frasier: Oh, I'm afraid Niles probably burned himself on something. Don't worry, he'll be fine.

Frasier: Please make yourself comfortable. I'm just going to run into the kitchen and check on the bird.

Niles: Well, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. How am I supposed to relax this bird?
Frasier: I don't know. Oh, try delivering that keynote you gave at the psychiatric association last spring.

Alfred: Will Dr. Crane be joining us soon?
Frasier: Oh, yes, I believe so. Any minute now.
[The door buzzes. Niles wails.]
Carol: Oh, dear, something wrong?
Frasier: I keep telling him, get yourself a decent oven mitt, but you know...

[Frasier goes into the kitchen where Niles has a towel covering Baby on his head]
Frasier: Oh, what now?
Niles: I'm trying to pretend like it's night so it'll fall asleep.
Frasier: Well, you look very cute.
Baby: Cute but stupid!

Niles: Damn! I was afraid of that. It's the bad Elaine, Maris's oldest friend. Nothing would delight her more than report back to Maris that I threw a soiree with a cockatoo on my head.
Baby: Bon Appetite!

Frasier: At which point, the woman said to Churchill, "Sir, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee." To which Churchill sorely replied, "Madame, if you were my wife I would drink it!" [Frasier laughs. He's the only one] Perhaps you've heard that story.
Alfred: Yes. From Churchill.

Frasier: Niles, I suggest the first thing you do is go to the vet and have that thing removed.
Niles: Oh, are you mad? I can't walk through there with this thing on my head. I'd be the laughingstock of the Montana.
Frasier: You can't spend the night in the kitchen.
Niles: Frasier, these people live for gossip. I've only been here three days. Already I know that Peter's a letch and
Carol's a lush. What do think they'd say about me?

Frasier: You see, his bird suffered a kind of trauma and has attached itself to the scalp and we were just thinking that we'd hate to cancel dinner.
Niles: Frasier, Frasier, this isn't necessary. Let's just go. Good evening, everyone, I'm terribly sorry for all this.
Elaine: Oh, Niles, you mean all this time you were been hiding in there because of your bird? Oh, you poor thing.
Peter: You know, the same thing happened to my mother once, only with her cat. Now that was a sight.
Carol: Who hasn't had an embarrassing moment at a party? Look, I just spilled wine on my dress!
Niles: Well, this is such a relief. I must say, I feel a bit silly for staying in there for so long.
Alfred: Are you in any pain?
Niles: No, no. As long as no-one rings the doorbell I'm fine.