Lana: I'm sorry, I'm-I'm being snappy. It's just... I-I guess I just always thought that I'd be the one who got remarried first, you know? Now everybody's just going to feel sorry for me. Oh God, I hope I don't run into anybody I know tonight. And you're not a typical man. You're very thoughtful. Forgive me?
Frasier: Yes, I'm afraid I do. Oh, gosh. You know, I-I do know another little Italian place that I think you might really enjoy just as much - well, what do you say?
Lana: Great, sounds great.
Frasier: Okay.
Lana: You know, it's funny, as much as I hate the thought of my birthday, I'm kind of hurt that none of my friends asked me to do anything. I mean, not like I wanted a party, but, well, something would have been nice. [Frasier pulls the car over] Okay, okay, Frasier, you know what, just because I'm vulnerable doesn't mean you're getting some!
Frasier: No. Listen, fifty of your friends are sitting in Bella Lucia right now, wearing party hats and waiting to yell, "Surprise!" Do you want to go or not?
Lana: [overjoyed] My friends are throwing me a surprise party?
Frasier: That's right.
Lana: And you tell me and ruin it?!

Lana: Frasier, you tricked me, you awful thing.
Frasier: It wasn't easy, you nightmarish carp.

Claire: Thanks for getting her here.
Frasier: Well...
Claire: How did you manage to keep it a secret?
Frasier: Well, as a psychiatrist, discretion happens to be the cornerstone of my profession.

Frasier: Uh, may I get you a drink?
Claire: Yes. Uh, a martini, two olives.
Frasier: Ah. I knew it. Kierkegaard?
Claire: Love him.
Frasier: Don't move.

Roz: Daphne, you go next, and think of something juicier than that.
Daphne: Oh, well, um, mine's also a youthful indiscretion. I stole a teddy bear from the shops.
Roz: Then what?
Daphne: Well, I felt guilty, so I told my parents and we brought it back. Then as a penance, I... volunteered to work at the orphanage after school.
Roz: What the hell was that? I'd put that story on my resume.

Frasier: Hi. How you doing?
Lana: Everybody's leaving.
Frasier: Well, it's getting late.
Lana: It's 9:30! Let's face it, I drove them all off. Even I'm sick of hearing me complain about Bob.
Frasier: No, come on, it's not all that bad. I mean, listen, you know, Bob is in the past. I mean, just look at all the friends you have. I know you've had a bit of a tough time lately, but it'll end soon. You're a vibrant, attractive woman.
Lana: Thanks, Frasier. You're being awfully sweet to me. Don't think this means you're getting any.

Lana: Threw a gutter ball, huh?
Frasier: Thanks to you, you introduced them.
Lana: Well, you played it all wrong. You were hanging on her all night.
Frasier: So was he, but he left with her.
Lana: It won't last. She's probably sick of him already.
Frasier: Lot of good that does me. I blew it.
Lana: Not necessarily. I mean, I think you guys could make a great couple. In fact, I might be able to help you out there.
Frasier: Really? Would you?
Lana: Well, I could, but you know I get asked that all the time, and if I did it for you, then I'd have to do it for everybody, and I just don't know if I want to open those floodgates. You know what I mean?
Frasier: I think I do.

Niles: You sure Daphne will like this one?
Frasier: Oh, it's perfect, Niles. Look, it even says on the box, "for the perfect DVD viewing experience."
Niles: What do you suppose "multi-angle capability" means?
Frasier: Well, it means that the remote control will respond from any angle.
Claire: Not to intrude, but actually it means you can see a scene from different camera angles.
Niles: Oh, thank you.
Frasier: Oh, I-I was just, uh, teasing him. You see, my brother's technologically challenged.

Claire: If you're, uh, new to DVD, you might want to rent the director's cut of "Das Boot." It's amazing. I mean, if you don't mind subtitles.
Frasier: Mind them? I prefer them. In fact, I-I do speak a-a bit of German, so in this case they might actually be a distraction.
Claire: Really? I speak German, too.
Niles: You know, if anyone's technologically challenged, it's you.
Frasier: He's a bit defensive. Nimm ihn einfach ncht zur Kenntnis.
Claire: [responds in German]
Niles: You thought your CD-ROM drive was a cup holder.

Frasier: Oh dear, it's Lana, it's Lana.
Niles: Where, where?
Frasier: Oh my God. No, no, just turn around. Turn around. [whispering] I don't know why the woman frightens me.
Niles: Well, she should frighten you, she was prom queen.