Frasier: Well Bruce, I see we are loaded with callers here. What line is next?
Bruce: What's your favorite number?
Frasier: Three.
[Bruce presses a button. We hear the dial tone.]
Bruce: Damn. What's your other favorite number?
Frasier: Why don't you just let me handle this?

Frasier: Hello, you're on the line with Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Francesca: "Hi, Dr. Crane. Um, my name is Francesca and I'm calling about my boyfriend. Well, he says he loves me, but I just can't get over this fear that I'm going to come home one day and he's not going to be there. I don't know. It probably stems from my childhood when my father left us."
Frasier: Oh, Francesca, you are suffering from a fear of abandonment, but trust me, I'm here for you.
Francesca: "Thank you, Dr. Crane. I'm always so afraid that people I count on will just disappear and I'll be left with-" [dial tone]
Bruce: Sorry!
Frasier: Francesca, please. We had a little technical glitch there. We were almost out of time anyway. Please, if you'll call in tomorrow, I'll make sure you're the first order of business. Please call.

Bruce: Good show, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: You think so, Bruce?
Bruce: Yeah!
Frasier: Well, call me old-fashioned but when my show starts out with a screeching noise that could shatter crystal, then moves on to an open mike while I'm eating a bag of potato chips, then disconnects two manic-depressives and a woman with a fear of abandonment, I don't think it's a show we should be mailing off to the Smithsonian!
Bruce: Don't worry, man. You'll do better tomorrow.

Niles: Frankly, I don't understand why you want her back at all. She's pushy and opinionated.
Frasier: Niles, don't you think you're being just the slightest bit sexist? What's labeled "pushy" in a woman is called "assertiveness" in a man. Gone are the days when women were shunted aside to bat their eyelashes prettily and say nothing.
Daphne: I quite agree.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, please, I can handle this.

Bulldog: Well, I kinda feel responsible for you being on the disabled list. So I brought you some deli.
Frasier: Nothing says I'm sorry like fatty meats.
Bulldog: You got your pastrami, coleslaw- Okay, where's the french fries? I ordered french fries! This stinks! This is total B.S.! That apron boy is gonna- Oh, here they are.

Frasier: Oh, Roz. Bulldog knows the blunt approach won't work with you, so he's being more subtle. But his ultimate goal remains to... Well, to...
Roz: To what?
Niles: To play Aeneas to your Dido. ... Sorry you had to hear that, Daphne.
Daphne: Oh, that's alright. As usual, I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about.

Gil: Oh, a moment, Frasier, please. I'm sure word has reached your ear already about the frutti di mare party I'm throwing, celebrating our fair city's great bounty from the sea.
Frasier: Yes, yes. I'd love to come.
Gil: Well, aye, there's the rub. You see, I've already invited Roz. With this rift between you two, well, the tension in
the air will be thicker than my cioppino!

Roz: Hey, Martin, what's going on?
Martin: Oh, Niles bought me some new shoes.
Daphne: Oh, yes. Look, they have tassels.
Niles: Aren't they exquisite? Those shoes were individually handmade by an artisan toiling in a hilltop village above Florence. The man is a hero there. It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes. They ring the cathedral bell and the whole town celebrates.
Roz: There's a town that needs a bowling alley.

Roz: If you leave me, he'll hit on me.
Frasier: Roz, with a sprained ankle?
Roz: You know what it's like in the jungle, they always go after the sick and the lame.

Frasier: Well, curtain's going up. Listen, Roz, if you need anything, feel free to call me absolutely anytime. Well, except for the next three hours, of course. I'm at the opera. Oh, no, no, no... four hours, it's Wagner. Um, oh, then I've got a late supper, then right to bed, I've got an early squash game. Tell you what, let's just say call me absolutely anytime after four tomorrow afternoon.