Marie: "Um, you see, Dr. Crane, there's this man I'd like to go out with, but he's forty years old and he's never been married. Do you think that means something?"
Frasier: Well, it could mean he has a fear of commitment... or itcould mean he's just been lucky! Marie, that was a joke.
Marie: "Did I mention I'm calling from a pay phone?"
Frasier: All right, all right, Marie. Um, I would say give him a shot, but, uh, I'd keep that caution bulb lit. Thank you for your call, Marie. Who's next, Roz?
Roz: If you ask me, it's divorced people you have to watch out for. Someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper. Whereas your divorcé will bite into any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.
Frasier: The preceding was an unbiased opinion from my never-been-married producer, Roz, who, incidentally, has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana.

Daphne: I don't see what's so hard about telling Roz you were wrong.
Frasier: You don't understand. You see, it's not the same as Dad being wrong, or your being wrong. I have a degree from Harvard. Whenever I'm wrong, the world makes a little less sense.

Niles: You think you had a bad week? This morning, Maris and I woke to the sound of our gardener, Yoshi, hacking his way through our prize topiary.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I've never understood why you wanted your hedges to be sculpted into the shapes of animals.
Niles: Well, we're both animal lovers. But Maris is unable to have pets. She- She distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally.

Frasier: Well, I'm surprised you had time to listen, what with being so busy with your ultra-demanding producer tasks, answering phones and pushing buttons. My God, a cockatoo with a strong beak could do what you do!

Frasier: Roz, I can see how he's manipulating you. I'm an expert in human behavior.
Roz: Oh, really? Excuse me. I've heard your expert advice. The only mental disorder you've ever cured is insomnia!

[As Roz screams in agony from her ankle, Gil removes her shoe]
Gil: Oh, dear.
Roz: What is it?
Gil: I see it's been a while since our last pedicure.

Roz: Who is it?
Bulldog: It's Bulldog!
Roz: Shh. Pretend we're not here.
Frasier: Roz, you just said, "Who is it?"

Niles: Anyway, there was Yoshi, drunk as a lord, swinging his hedge-trimmer recklessly over his head. Before
we could calm him, he had transformed Maris's prize stallion into some sort of obscene... goat-boy. The poor woman is inconsolable.

Martin: Well, you know these things go in cycles. I mean, take Bulldog's show. He's just had one great show after another lately.
Frasier: Hmm. What could be your point, Dad? I'm having trouble reading between the lines.
Martin: If you weren't so damn stubborn, you'd apologize to Roz, get her back on the show, and everybody'd be happy.
Frasier: As usual, you're overlooking a key psychological component in this whole issue.
Martin: You'd have to admit you were wrong.
Frasier: Exactly!

Martin: What's going on?
Niles: Roz slept with Bulldog last night.
Roz: I did not! How could you think that?
Frasier: Well, I mean, dropping by, bringing a little gift? It was obvious he was after something.
Daphne: Well, that's not fair. Dr. Crane is always dropping by and bringing me little gifts and he's not after anything.