Frasier: There is no way that dog is moving in here with us.
Niles: Oh please, please. At least if she's here I'll be able to visit her. I cannot turn her over to strangers. She worships me.
Frasier: Oh, please. You must realize that dog has no genuine affection for you. You only pretend that she does because she's a canine substitute for Maris.
Niles: That is the most absurd psychobabble I have ever heard.
Frasier: She is highly strung, cold to the touch and ignores you. My God, stand her upright, take ten pounds off her, put her in a Chanel suit, what do you got?

Frasier: Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this atrocity? My God, can't you see that it wants to die? Let it go.
Martin: You know, I keep having this dream where you say the same words. Only I'm in the hospital and you're slipping the nurse a twenty.
Frasier: Dad, that will never happen.
Martin: Thank you.
Frasier: I have medical power of attorney, it won't cost me a thing.

Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't you look smart.
Frasier: I don't feel smart. I've let Roz set me up another one of her blind dates.
Daphne: Who's the lucky woman?
Frasier: Oh, a friend from her aerobics class. Well, perhaps it won't be so bad. She's thirty-two, has a terrific body, and apparently thinks I'm God's gift to broadcasting.
Martin: Well, at least you have one thing in common.