Roger: "Well, I had a really good year, so I decided, hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted, a 48ft cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me, 300 grand. Not to mention the $20,000 for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: My wife wants to call this incredible vessel 'Lullubelle', after her mother. 'Lullubelle!' So, I say no, we call it 'The Intrepid'. So, what do you think it should be called, 'Lullubelle' or 'The Intrepid'?"
Frasier: Roger. At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the "tunneling electron microscope." Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

Frasier: Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Doug: "Yeah, it's about my mother. She's getting on now and she doesn't have much of a life. I mean, she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I mean, she literally hangs around the house all day. I mean, it is very frustrating."
Frasier: Doug, I'm sorry. Can we just go back for a second? You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house. I suppose it's a pet peeve of mine, but what you mean to say is she figuratively hangs around the house. To literally hang around the house you'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey. Now back to your problem.
Doug: "Do you mind if we stop while I tell you my pet peeve?"
Frasier: Oh, not at all.
Doug: "I hate it when intellectual pinheads with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar when you come to them for help. That's what I've got a problem with."
Frasier: I think what he means is, "That is a thing with which he has a problem."

Frasier: God, I hope this works, Daphne.
Daphne: Well, I've been sending Elaine psychic messages all day.
Frasier: You're kidding. You can transmit? I thought you were just a receiver.
Daphne: Well, I'm giving it a try. You know, "Elaine in 14-10, come to dinner, come to dinner".
Frasier: That's very charming, Daphne, but Elaine's in 14-12.
Daphne: Oh dear. I guess I'd better set an extra place at the table, then.

Daphne: And to finish it off, a batch of Grammy Moon's famous sticky buns.
Frasier: Oh my, that's it.
Daphne: Grammy made these every Sunday. 'course, she added a pint of rum to the recipe. And nobody liked these more than Grammy herself. Many's the Sunday I'd head over to her house after church, only to find her out in the garden in her wedding dress, face down in the birdbath.

Frasier: Now listen, Niles, I'm having a young lady over on Friday night, I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me.
Niles: Oh, I wish you'd said Saturday.
Frasier: Why, you have plans Friday?
Niles: No, I have plans Saturday.