Frasier: Good lord, Niles, you won't believe this. Bryce trustees are already reviewing a proposal for the purchase of their land.
Niles: Dad just walked in. Let's drop another hint about meeting Penelope.
Frasier: The time for hints is passed, Niles. We've got to be direct.
Niles: Dad is not going to let us ask his girlfriend for money.
Frasier: I didn't say "honest," I said "direct." Try to keep up, for God's sake.

Frasier: Dad, listen, we were thinking it might be time that we meet Penelope. She sounds enchanting.
Niles: Yeah, enchanting. How's tomorrow?
Martin: Oh, guys, I don't know. Meeting the family, that's taking it up another notch. I don't want to get that serious yet. Maybe in a few months, but right now I want to keep it simple.
Niles: Simple? As in "Estenelope"?

Frasier: Dear God, what do we do now?
Niles: I don't know. I suppose we could have him neutered.

Frasier: Good lord, Dad must have left his phone. Maybe I better run and tell him it's Penelope. ... You know, I'll never catch him.
Niles: No, he's long gone and would probably want you to take a message.
Frasier: [answering the phone] Hello? No, this is his son, Frasier. Penelope Janvier? Oh, how nice to speak with you. A cocktail party, tomorrow night. He'll be there. In fact, I'll make sure of that, I'll be driving him myself. You see, my brother Niles and I will be with him all day. It's our once a year family day and we do just about everything together. What's that? Are you sure, really? [looking to Niles] Well, then yes, we'd love to come.

Niles: Now, we should probably talk strategy before the guests get here.
Frasier: Yes, all right. We don't want to pounce. Let's let them get settled in, have a few cocktails, and when they're sufficiently relaxed comfortable, we'll shear them like Delilah.

Reggie: Frasier, the place looks wonderful.
Frasier: Thank you.
Reggie: I love that painting.
Frasier: Really? Well, it's hardly as impressive as that portrait Hockney did of your wife.
Reggie: You like it? Make me an offer.
Frasier: Excuse me?
Reggie: Between you and me, I'm getting hammered by margin calls. Need a watch?

Frasier: Now, we've got to appear casual.
Niles: All right, all right. Should we start with a little small talk?
Frasier: Perhaps, perhaps. Oh, yes, I remember an aphorism that's usually attributed to Santayana, but I have my own little version...
Niles: We've go to get out there right now.
Frasier: Just give me the chance to get the words right. "Money can not so enrich a man..."
Niles: She's talking to Dad.
Frasier: Let's get the hell out there.

Frasier: Dad. Dad, what happened with that woman just now?
Martin: Nothing. She got a phone call and she had to leave. She said to say thanks.
Niles: Oh, come off it. You offended her somehow.
Frasier: What was it, Dad? A bawdy joke? Nose whistling?

Niles: How are things going on your side of the room?
Frasier: Not very well. It seems Marshall sank all his money in a new house. Sally sank all her money in a new boat. Which sank.

Niles: Dad left to meet Penelope five hours ago. What could they be doing?
Frasier: I can think of one possibility.
Niles: You think...? On a first date?
Frasier: Niles, they went to a steak house. Penelope's paying. I'm sorry, but I don't think a forty-eight-ouncer is out of the question.