Niles: Is that espresso?
Martin: Yeah, a little pick-me-up in between dates. Boy, this juggling thing isn't as easy as I make it look. But don't you worry, they're both getting first class passage on the "S.S. Martin."
Niles: [to Frasier] Oh, that's where you get that from.

William: Was it this one, Deviled Egg Guy?
Niles: You know, I'm not sure. He and Chicken Sate Guy look so much alike.
William: All right, listen up. Which one of you snack jockeys is trying to get a play produced?
[All of the servers, and one guest, raise their hands]

Penelope: Estelle says don't bother coming over tonight. Oh, Marty, how could you?
Martin: I'm sorry. I was gonna tell you, but... I guess this means breakfast Tuesday is off?
Penelope: That's right. And it was Thursday!

Frasier: Ms. Janvier, please. I don't blame you for being angry, but if you believe in the hope of tomorrow and a brighter future, then please, please don't punish the children of Bryce Academy for our misdeeds.
William: Oh, boo-hoo. [Penelope holds her hand out for the pen] Mother!
Penelope: That's enough, William. I made a promise to these men, and I'm a woman of my word.
Frasier: Thank you. Thank you so much!
Niles: You're more gracious than we deserve.
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well done, Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I can't wait to see the expression on the headmaster's face when he sees this check for... fifty dollars.

Martin: Oh, uh, that's just my alarm, to remind me to... take my pills.
Penelope: Oh, well, let's get you a glass of water.
Martin: Oh, no, that's all right. I'd rather do it in private. [exits]
Niles: Yeah, he has trouble swallowing.
Frasier: A small epiglottis.
Niles: Yeah. "Epiglottis." Haven't heard that word since biology class in high school.
Frasier: Oh, yes, high school. It's a pity about our old high school...

Frasier: The long and the short of it, Ms. Janvier, is, is that my alma mater, Bryce Academy, is in dire straights. The coffers are bare, and our only hope is to find a savior. Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I was hoping it might be you.
Penelope: Actually, I'm familiar with Bryce.
Frasier: Oh, well then you must also be familiar with their excellent standards.
Penelope: Yes, I am. They wouldn't let in William.
Frasier: Well, with your endowment, I'm sure he'd be a shoe-in.

Roz: Hey, how's Daphne?
Niles: Actually, I just got back from visiting her at the spa. It wasn't easy, but she's already lost nine pounds and twelve ounces.
Roz: Wow, good for her. It's all about willpower. [a waiter hands Roz a plateful of brownies] Oh, thanks.
Niles: Um, I'm going back to the spa this coming weekend, if you need a ride...
Roz: Oh, these aren't for me. Alice's school is having a picnic and I'm bringing the goodies.
Niles: Yes, I see. Just don't get them sunburned. I'm sorry, it's just... aren't you a little overdressed for a picnic?
Roz: Well, there is this cute single dad named Greg. He's going through a divorce. His wife cheated on him. He's so nice, too. He deserves a woman he can trust. Do these look like I baked them?
Niles: Yes. Just as long as they don't taste like you baked them.

Martin: Psst. Hey, sweetheart. I need some more Crunch 'n' Munch.
Penelope: Oh, I'm not...
Martin: I'm sorry. I'm sure your busy, but if my sons see me traipsing through their party, they'll think I'm gonna embarrass them in front of all their stuffed-shirt friends. You look familiar. You ever dance?

Both: Dad?
Martin: Oh, all right, here's what happened. Penelope and I got along great, but after I dropped her off, I was still hungry. So I went to this little coffee shop near McGinty's for chili fries. Now, I know what you're wondering: doesn't McGinty's have chili fries? Yes, and they're very tasty, but...
Frasier: Who the hell is Estelle?
Martin: She works in the coffee shop. We got to chatting and the next thing you know, we're having a nightcap at McGinty's. Hey, when it rains, it pours.

Niles: Yes, Dad, but what about Penelope?
Martin: Oh, I'm seeing her Tuesday.
Niles: You just made a date with Estelle.
Martin: Not for Tuesday.