Niles: Hello, I know I'm a bit early, I was hoping we could get a bite to eat before the theater.
Frasier: Actually, Niles-
Niles: Yeah, yeah, it'll be on me of course, as a thank you for getting those replacement tickets.
Frasier: Yes, about the tickets-
Niles: I know, I owe you money. And my gratitude. And if I keep talking, you won't be able to tell me you weren't able to get the tickets.
Frasier: Just haven't been able to get them yet.
Niles: Oh, I knew you wouldn't get them!

Frasier: Please, just calm down. I've made a few well placed calls. I haven't heard back from a couple of people. Someone will call.
Niles: Well, someone better call. Because everyone who's anyone is seeing this play. And you know who you are if you're not anyone? You're no one. And I've been someone much too long to start being no one now.
Martin: [entering the room] Oh, hey, I thought no one was here.

Frasier: [answering the phone] Hello? Yes, I'll hold. [to Niles] It's Cleo Fenwick.
Niles: Cleo Fenwick?
Frasier: Yes. You remember her. She's on the board of the theater. You've seen her. Bad eye-job, dowager's hump you could cross the Sahara on. [on the phone] Hello, Cleo, you lovely thing.

Niles: Dr. Mandel?
Rob: Oh, hi, Niles.
Roz: You two know each other?
Rob: Sure. How's the teeth bleaching going?
Niles: [with pursed lips] Fine, thanks.

Roz: Let's go, Rob. It's a long way to row C from the cancellation line.

Rob: Hang in there, guys. I wouldn't be surprised if you get lucky.
Niles: I'd be stupefied if you didn't.

Frasier: I knew you were bleaching them.
Niles: Oh...
Frasier: "No, really, I just changed toothpastes."

Steve: All right. Niles, we'll make a date. I'll meet you right here at intermission and we'll have a smoke.
Niles: Oh, right here is where I'll be.
Frasier: Enjoy.
Susan: See you later.
Frasier: Well, this is just perfect. Not only are we missing the play, but now we have to hang around here until intermission, so they don't catch on to us.
Niles: What are you complaining about? I'm the one who has an hour to learn how to smoke.

Daphne: I should have known I'd never get any privacy in this house.
Frasier: You don't understand. I just wanted to-
Daphne: You just wanted to find out if I was gossiping about you to my mum. Well, fine. I was. A seventy-three year old woman in Manchester is about to find out that you dye the grey out of your temples. There, you happy?
Frasier: No, I am not happy. I am mortified. ... How did you know that? I keep my hair dye in the false bottom of my cuff link box.
Daphne: Yeah, well... I'll let it go this time.

Niles: I knew you were dyeing your hair.
Frasier: Shut up.
Niles: "No, no, really, it's just my new conditioner."
Frasier: Shut up.