Frasier: I tell you what. The minute we go to a news break I'm going to rush down there and put this withering note on his windshield. "Dear discourteous driver-"
Roz: Whoa! I think you've said enough right there!

Frasier: Excuse me. I was looking for.. [The phone rings again. Frasier places his hand on the phone to stop the clerk answering.] Don't even think about it. I'm looking for "How Green Was My Valley."
Clerk #1: Huh?
Frasier: It is a beautifully acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. It won five Academy Awards. It's a classic.
Clerk #1: Oh. Well, uh, this is a shot in the dark, but you might try looking in the Classics section.
[Frasier walks over to the classics section and finds a customer with the video tape]
Frasier: Uh, you're taking "How Green Was My Valley?"
Woman: I heard it was great.
Frasier: Yes, but you heard it from me. You were standing next to me in the line. [The woman ignores him. Frasier returns to the clerk] Excuse me, is there another copy?
Clerk #1: Oh, yeah, that would be across the street in our "How Green Was My Valley" annex.

Martin: Hey, Daphne. Come on, you're just in time. It's starting.
Daphne: I don't get this show. People send in videos of themselves having the most embarrassing and painful accidents. They add cartoon noises and music and everyone laughs themselves silly.
Martin: Boy, I bet that hurt.

Martin: Well, what's wrong with you?
Frasier: Frankly, I have had it with the whole boorish, ill-mannered world. Look, Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it.
Martin: Sure, go ahead. How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door?
Frasier: [looking at Eddie] Depends upon the dog.

Frasier: What the hell is that?! The windows are rattling. The walls are shaking. And I am talking to no one!

Martin: I'm gonna take a nap.
Frasier: Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket.
Martin: Are you kidding? I've slept through worse than this. In Korea, I dropped off in a foxhole right outside Panmunjeom. By the time I woke up the cease-fire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. Talk about having egg on your face.

Frasier: Yes. Yes, would you please connect me with the young man who's just moved into the penthouse upstairs. No, I don't know his name. He's in the penthouse. He has shaggy hair, tattoos all over him, his body is pierced. Oh, and I don't know if I mentioned this but he's in the penthouse.

Daphne: You know, personally, I like it. But then, we Brits have always been on the cutting edge. You should have heard the punk rockers who rented the flat below me a few years back. They'd play the same song over and over again: [singing] Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. [sighs] Oh, no. I'm gonna have that tune in me head all day now.

Frasier: Doesn't he ever stop for sex and drugs?!

Frasier: I'm going out!
Daphne: What?
Frasier: I'm going out!
Daphne: What?
Frasier: [as the loud music stops] I am going out!
Martin: [o.s.] Hey, Frasier, will you keep it down out there. I'm trying to take a nap!