Roz: Oh, never mind that. Where were you?
Frasier: Oh, God. Somebody'd parked in my space again. I had to park six blocks from here and sprint the whole way. By the end, my tweed pants were throwing off so many sparks I almost caught myself on fire!

Roz: Come on, Frasier. This isn't gonna do any good. You want to make an impression on him? Get tough. You go right down there and let the air out of his tires.
Frasier: Oh, I wouldn't do something like that.
Roz: Why? It's just inconveniencing him like he inconvenienced you.
Frasier: Roz, listen, the world has become uncivilized enough without me stooping to that level. Of course I was sorely tempted last night. I went to the movies to see "How Green Was My Valley." Lady Luck seated me in front of two elderly women who said with the arrival of each new actor, "My God, doesn't he look young. He's dead, you know." Finally I had to just walk out.

Frasier: Hello, Seattle. We're back, and I would like to start by apologizing for being tardy. Nothing quite so inconsiderate as making someone wait. Now without further ado let's get to Brenda. Hello, Brenda.
Brenda: "Hi, Dr. Crane. I'm having a problem with my sister. She's always- [phone clicks] Oh, wait a second. That's my other line."
Frasier: Something tells me I'm going to be siding with Brenda's sister.

Frasier: Don't you hate that? You come all the way down here yourself to the store, wait patiently, and somebody who calls in from home gets preferential treatment.
Clerk #2: I can help the next person in line.
[The other customers in line behind Frasier rush over and form a new line]
Clerk #1: Hey, do we have "The Invisible Man?"
Frasier: Right here!

Frasier: Has the world completely lost the concept of common courtesy? Am I the only one who is resisting this tide?! People of Seattle, listen to me! We are not barbarians! We are not Neanderthals and we are not French!
Do you hear that, you up there?!

Daphne: That's his own music he's listening to, you know. His name is Freddie Chainsaw.
Frasier: Chainsaw? Of the Newport Chainsaws?

Daphne: I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. For weeks now, some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. This morning, I decided to get my revenge. So I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites.
Niles: Bravo, Daphne. Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there.
Frasier: Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit?
Daphne: Absolutely not. Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them.

Martin: Fras, why do you keep backing away from this? I mean, you should be proud of yourself. We all think you did the right thing. The newspaper does too.
Daphne: That's right. And I'm going to fix you a proper hero's breakfast.
Frasier: No, no, no, Daphne. Please, really. It's not necessary. Thank you all. It's just that this isn't sitting well with
me. I find it hard to believe any good can come of violence.
[The loud rock music starts up again]
Frasier: That's it again! [on the phone] Mr. Chainsaw! This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
[The music abruptly stops.]
Frasier: Go ahead, Daphne. Make my eggs.

Niles: No one's ever given me the thumbs up.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. The rest of the hand has been well-represented.

Roz: Well, it's uh, 2:07, here on the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. As I said, I'm Roz Doyle, Frasier's producer, filling in for the temporarily detained Dr. Crane. It's cloudy and 62 degrees outside coming up on... 2:08. Right, there. Well, let's take a call. Hello, Lydia. What seems to be the problem?
Lydia: "I already told you."
Roz: Yeah, that was when I was the call screener, now I'm the host! So, tell me your problem, and take your time.