Martin: Oh, no, forget it, I'm just gonna wear my old police uniform.
Niles: You can't. It's a Halloween ball for the Library Association. You have to come dressed as a character from literature.
Martin: Oh, why didn't I just tell Sherry I'd go with her to visit her mother in prison?

Niles: Come on, Dad, it'll be fun. I'm going to go as Cyrano de Bergerac—musician, philosopher, fighter, poet! [he picks up Martin's cane and holds it like a sword] The greatest friend and the bravest swordsman alive! Ew, what's all over your cane?
Martin: I don't know. I dropped it in the movie theater last night.

Daphne: We're just looking at the snapshots from our trip to the microbrewery.
Niles: That must have been especially fun for you, Dad. You're not in any of these.
Martin: That's 'cause I didn't go. That was the day Eddie got into the poison oak. I was up all night rubbing calamine lotion on his belly.
Frasier: These really are the golden years for you, aren't they?

Niles: So it was just you and Frasier?
Daphne: Yes. Your brother and I got pretty silly after tasting all that beer.
Frasier: Now, now, Daphne there's no need to tell Niles everything we did that night.
Daphne: Yes, we got a bit naughty.
Niles: Well, not too naughty, I hope.
Daphne: Oh, now, now, Dr. Crane, I know what you're thinking. But not to worry. After all that drinking, we didn't drive home. We spent the night in a motel.
Niles: Well, that takes a load off my mind.

Frasier: Well, Niles, uh, what time is this little soiree of yours this evening?
Martin: Yeah, I still got to get the velvet in my slippers re-crushed.
Niles: All right, Dad, I will find you a Sherlock Holmes outfit.

Niles: Which reminds me, I have to get home before Marta arrives to set up. She's arachnophobic, poor thing. Last Halloween she beat my centerpiece to bits with a broom.

Frasier: Well, perhaps we should go finish up those costumes, [in a British accent] eh wife?
Daphne: Yes.
Niles: Did you say "wife?"
Daphne: Hasn't your brother told you? Dr. Crane is going as Geoffrey Chaucer from "The Canterbury Tales", and I'll be dressed as the Wife of Bath!
Frasier: [British accent] Yes, and a saucy little strumpet she is too!
Daphne: [laughing] Oh, you naughty rogue. We've been having quite a time talking to each other like that.
Martin: Yeah, it's been Ye Olde Laugh Riot around here.

Frasier: Yes, well, let's just stick with Dorothy for the time being. How can I help you?
Dorothy: "You can get me Roz. I'm her manicurist, and she called for an appointment."
Roz: I'll call you back later, Dorothy.

Frasier: Explain yourself.
Roz: I'm just a little off my game today.
Frasier: A little?
Roz: Okay, a lot.
Frasier: Roz, you come in here looking ghoulish even for Halloween, and you sleepwalk your way through my entire show.

Frasier: Well, you know Niles's party is tonight. That should serve as a distraction.
Roz: Oh, Frasier, I don't think I'm up for that.
Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz.
Roz: Well, I did rent a costume and all.
Frasier: For me? It'll be fun. You know you want to.
Roz: That's exactly the kind of talk that got me into this.