Niles: All right, I'm going to bed now. I was hoping this book would make me drowsy, but it looks like your dream has done the trick instead.
Frasier: You died tragically, and no one missed you!

Niles: Frasier dreamed he killed me and married you.
Daphne: At least he wasn't cheating on me with the service people because I was fat!
Niles: Will you please stop blaming me for something I did in your dreams?
Daphne: So you admit it?

Frasier: Dad, we're sorry.
Niles: You were right.
Daphne: Maybe we let our problems get to us a bit too much.
Martin: Well, hell yes, if they're the worst of your problems, you're lucky. I've got a bullet in my hip, a girlfriend who's too good for me and might realize it any day, a dog who's pushing eighty in human years, and I'm not far behind him. But you don't hear me making a fuss, do you? Know why? 'Cause I focus on what's good about my life.

Frasier: We still have a few minutes left, and all our lines are open. Uh, shall I attempt another joke?
Roz: No. [Frasier looks questioningly] No!

Frasier: My show today was a fiasco. For the second day in a row, we had virtually no callers. It's getting harder and harder to blame it on Roz.
Martin: Well, maybe you fixed everybody.
Frasier: Oh wait, there was one caller. My date for Saturday night called to cancel because I am not her type. Oh, and guess what? Her honesty was not refreshing.

Martin: Well, here's something that will cheer you up. Ronee's boss gave her his cabin for the weekend, so we're heading up there tonight.
Frasier: Oh. Well, being home alone for the weekend might be just the thing for someone in my state of mind. Me... and my shadow of a life.
[As Frasier turns to pour a drink, Martin bends down to pet Eddie, who just ran into the kitchen]
Martin: [to Eddie] Hey! We're not leaving you at home. You're coming with us. It wouldn't be any fun without you.
Frasier: [turning around holding a glass] Oh really, Dad? I was so hoping that you would say that. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the weekend here wallowing in self-pity. Leave it to you to see right through me, and toss me a lifeline.

Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Oh, Frasier, I have had the worst day imaginable. I need a sherry.
Frasier: Brace yourself.
Niles: You always think it's going to happen to someone else.

Frasier: You know what? I do not wish to delve into this. I am trying to put my own miserable day behind me. To that end, Ronee and Dad are going to the mountains this weekend, and I've decided to tag along.
Niles: Ah. So it'll be just two wheels and you.
Frasier: What are you saying?
Niles: Well, just that if Ronee and Dad are going away for the weekend, it might have been more considerate not to horn in.
Frasier: I'm not horning in, they invited me.
Niles: Ah. I would never dream of accepting such an obvious pity invite.
Frasier: Well, you don't have to dream because they didn't invite you.

Martin: It happened so fast, then he got all excited and I didn't know what to say.
Ronee: Well, how about "I was talking to the dog?"
Frasier: Well, you know, the poor guy's going through a bad patch right now. He could use a little company. We don't have to spend any time with him.
Ronee: Marty, you know I love Frasier, but this was supposed to be our weekend. You know, you and me, alone.
Martin: I know.
Ronee: But hey, why stop at Frasier? Why not invite Niles and Daphne and make it a party?
Niles: [entering the kitchen] We'd love to! Thank you, Ronee! Thanks, Dad! Frasier...

Frasier: Morning.
Daphne: You're finally up. How'd you sleep?
Frasier: Perfectly. I was borne off to dreamland by the cooing of a morning dove.
Ronee: Oh, I heard that too. I think the weasels are in heat.