Niles: Oh, Frasier. Just give him a check.
Frasier: But Niles, you can't give a check to a child.
Niles: That's what I'm giving him. It has a stagecoach on it.
Frasier: Niles, Maris cancelled your account.
Niles: Damn.

Gil: For those of you who have not yet sampled the punch, here is my capsule review: vile bouquet, unwholesome color, ghastly taste - and a kick that is simply heaven.

Frasier: Oh, listen Roz. I know you've got a plane to catch and the traffic to the airport is probably very bad, so in the spirit of the Christmas season, why don't you just take off early, hmm?
Roz: You're going to read one of your inspirational Christmas fables again, aren't you?
Frasier: Yes, I am. Be a lot easier without you sitting over there sticking your finger in your throat.

Martin: Hey, it's okay. There's a big toy store in the mall. They're open late tonight. Just don't worry about it.
Frasier: Well, that's easy for you to say, Dad. My God, it's Christmas Eve, the gifts I ordered are three
thousand miles away, my son is due in an hour, and on top of it all I have to go to a mall!
Animatronic Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Niles: Oh, don't look at me, he said it.

Martin: Santa's legs for the chimney, you remember these babies?
Frasier: Oh, yes. Inspired some spectacular Christmas nightmares the year I found them under your bed.

Martin: Well, you know Frasier, you're always giving people things you think they should like, instead of things that they really like. I mean, come on. In your entire life, have you ever seen me wear anything like that?
Frasier: Well, no. I thought you might like a change.
Martin: Well, it's like when you were a kid, remember? I wanted you to love baseball. I wanted to get you a bat, glove, everything, for Christmas. But you had your mind set on a microscope, so that's what I got you.

Frederick: I hope Aunt Maris comes out of her coma. [Frederick runs off to bed]
Niles: He asked where she was, I thought the truth would just upset him. I'll see you in the morning. Merry Christmas.

Niles: Is it just me, or are the sidewalk Santas getting pushy?
Frasier: Well, tomorrow is Christmas. I suppose they might be anticipating a certain downturn after that.

Animatronic Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Martin: It works when you step on the mat.
Animatronic Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Martin: It can say "Ho, Ho, Ho", "Merry Christmas", or "Happy Holidays."
Frasier: Yeah, well I hope it can say "Geronimo" because I'm going to throw him off the balcony.

Frasier: So, Niles, did you have a discussion with Maris?
Niles: No, but I had an epiphany. I realized, cutting off my funds is Maris's way of saying, "I love you!" She always uses money to get what she wants. Ergo, this is proof she wants me back. What do you think?
Animatronic Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Frasier: I think Santa said it all for us.