Frasier: Niles! "Executive Match" is an escort service. One of Donny's clients was caught using them.
Niles: I don't believe you.
Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she fascinated by everything about you? Even your collections?
Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth century Portuguese bud vases.
Frasier: And how did she react?
Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and-Oh, my God, I'm dating a whore!

Niles: Sabrina, we should be going.
Martin: What's the hurry? We're having a nice conversation.
Sabrina: Yeah, I love your dad.
Frasier: Did he mention he used to be a police officer?
Sabrina: Maybe we should go.

Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I believe I have chosen your bouquet. It's hand-woven out of pygmy orchids.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really need to talk to you.
Frasier: Well, of course, Daph. First, let's sample the Porcinni mushrooms. They're exquisite.
Daphne: But I don't like mushrooms.
Frasier: Oh, you only think you don't. You haven't tried these.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, this is really...
Frasier: Just try this for me. Come on, you'll thank me later.
Daphne: You'll thank me later? I've heard that my whole life. Well, no more! I'm doing my wedding my way. And if that means I want rice instead of doves and a DJ instead of a harp, then that's what I'll have. I don't want your advice, I don't want your money and I don't want your mushrooms. I'm in charge of this wedding now. What kind of a git walks down the aisle carrying something of pygmy orchids?

Niles: Do you recall, the other day at the health club, Tony Hubner gave me that phone number?
Frasier: Dear God, Niles, not a dating service?
Niles: No, it's not a dating service. It's an "Introduction Network" for busy professionals. I've given them my vital statistics, there's an extensive screening process, they bill me at the end of the month.
Frasier: Niles, please. They are all money-grubbing con-artists who prey on the pathetic and the lonely. For God's sakes, you sign up with visions of some Ph.D. candidate, and what do they deliver? A buck-toothed librarian who needs help washing her mother.

Frasier: Are you really that desperate?
Niles: Half an hour ago, I had my back leg tethered to Mr. Waggles's forepaw and we came in third in the five-legged race.
Frasier: Geez, you'd think they'd let him win on his birthday.

Martin: Oh, Fras, you're going to love this stuff I got from the farmer's market. This guy takes the juiciest cut of filet mignon, slices it real thin and makes jerky out of it.
Frasier: Look, Dad, I'm not really into-
Martin: [feeding Frasier] Not bad, huh?
Frasier: Yes, if only I had a nice powdered cabernet to go with it.
Frasier: Listen, have you given any thought to Daphne's wedding present?
Martin: Now, Frasier, not everyone likes jerky as much as you and me.

Martin: See, I told you, everybody loves luggage.
Frasier: Dad, she thinks we're paying for her whole wedding.
Martin: What?
Frasier: Well, I tried to say wedding flowers, but then I hiccuped.
Martin: Well, I'm not paying for her wedding.
Frasier: Of course not. I'll just clear this whole thing up right now before it goes any further. Daphne!
Daphne: You know what this means, don't you? Now that mum's not paying, she can't make me have it in England. I can have my wedding how I want it, where I want it, right here. You've answered my prayers.

Daphne: [o.s.] Could someone let Donny in?
Martin: Oh, well, look, Donny's a very traditional guy. He's not going to let us pay for his wedding.
Frasier: Right, you saw how he proposed to her. On bended knee. He's nothing but a hopeless romantic.
[opening the door]
Donny: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash. I'm in a meeting, I'll call you later, bye. [hangs up] Hey, guys. I've got this client. He's in the middle of a divorce, right, and his wife finds all these charges from this place called "Executive Match." It turns out to be a call girl service. When she gets through with him she'll have his house, his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't already taken it. Women.

Daphne: Have they told you yet?
Donny: Told me what?
Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Dr. Crane and his father have offered to pay for our entire wedding.
Donny: Is this a joke?
Frasier: It could be.
Donny: Just a minute, honey. I mean, it's one thing for us to let your family pay. I mean, they're
your parents, it's traditional. But this is...
Frasier: Going too far? Being presumptuous?
Martin: Yeah, we don't want to step on any toes.
Daphne: I didn't think you'd be uncomfortable with this.
Frasier: But he clearly is, Daphne.
Martin: Donny's right! We're not family.

Roz: I thought she'd never leave.
Frasier: Good God, Roz, how long have you been there?
Roz: Since you two walked in and trapped me.
Frasier: Aren't you taking this a bit too far just trying to avoid an unflattering dress?
Roz: Yeah, I thought you'd say that. That's why I've been carrying around this picture of the last time I was a bridesmaid.
Frasier: Good Lord, Roz, you look like you've been tented for termites.